My Book 7 Predictions

[Timothy R. O'Donnell]

No: HPFGUIDX 170228



My Book 7 Predictions.

First of all, I haven't read Deathly Hallows yet, so any knowledge
that I have has simply been from channeling J.K. Rowling.  As far as I
know that isn't illegal.  But I may get into some hot legal water for
too accurately predicting Book 7 prior to its release.  So let me warn
you in advance, the following contains Big Spoilers with a capital BS!
 Also, I apologize that this post is long, but people have written
books about this stuff, and it isn't THAT long.

Will Hogwarts reopen?
Of course it will!  Institutions of this kind don't die tragically
like people.  As long as there are people interested in keeping them
alive, they continue to go on like roaches after an atomic detonation.
 Heck, the founders have all moved on already, surely some of them
passed away and have become portraits inside Dumbledore's office.  So
of course the school is going to reopen, the Board of Ed just has to
elect a new headmaster, in this case, a headmistress.  Minerva Mc. is
the obvious choice for the job.  I just hope her blood pressure meds
will be enough.  BTW, she hires Fabulous Butterpants (a new character)
to be the DADA teacher.  

Who ends up with whom?
Can we all finally accept that Ron and Hermione are meant for each
other, and leave them out of all other potential relationships?  I
mean how many hints do you need?  Book 7 they declare their love for
each other.  

Harry and Ginny fans?  Harry's got work to do defending the world from
the evil that is Voldemort.  He doesn't have time for a relationship,
nor does he want to endanger Ginny.  But in this day and age are women
supposed to sit around and knit sweaters while their hero faces the
fight of their lives?  Last I checked, this is the twenty first
century we're talking about, so no way!  Ginny comes to Harry's aid at
the crucial moment, brutally and caveman-like wielding a big stick and
saves Harry's life in the final battle.  Then she drags him home by
his hair.

However, the most surprise relationship turns out to be Molly Weasley
and Tom Riddle, you got it Lord Voldey himself.  She's always had a
huge crush on him, but Tom's just been a little too preoccupied with
evil sorcery, prophecies, and llamas to take much notice.  When he
disappeared from her life years ago, she settled for Arthur Weasley
and together they raised a slew of kids.  So many she's lost count. 
But now that Tom's back, she's been scrapbooking all the articles in
the Daily Prophet that mention his name and she's become president of
the Death Eater's Fan Club.  Of course, Arthur's not going to stand
for that.  They fight horribly, and she sends him packing, freeing her
to pursue her true love, Tom.  It turns out, she's just what Tom
needs, someone to love.  

Who else?  I simply can't address all the couples, so I'll just list
them and let you work it out for yourselves.  Draco and Cho, Dolores
and Bane the Centaur, Hagrid and Madame Maxime (she returns with the
giants for the final battle), Rita Skeeter and Neville, Luna and
Lupin, Peter and Crookshanks, Leonard Nemoy and William Shatner,
Sirius and Tonks, Viktor Krum and Lavender Brown, Ren and Stimpy,
Snape and Madame Pomfrey (He's injured in the final battle, she nurses
him back to health), and finally Belletrix and Arthur Cheesley (Hey,
he's got a good job and he's single now, right?).

Who will live, who will die?
"Don't expect Dumbledore to pull a Gandalf?"  Sorry but Jo is really
blowing smoke when she said that "Dumbledore is dead, truly, as in the
no longer breathing kind of way.  I'm not lying."  Really good news
here for Dumbledore fans is that he's faked his own death, ala Elvis
Presley.  After all, was there a body lying on the floor?  No.  What
happened was, he got tired of trying to run a school with all the
drama going on.  So, he's retired to Orlando, Florida and has worked
up a killer tan.  He couldn't just retire in the normal, here's a gold
watch, kind of way.  Do you think Harry would leave him alone?  Not
for a minute!

And on a more sirius note, Sirius isn't dead either.  Once again, do
the body check.  Nope, no corpse on the floor.  Sirius returns in book
7, and his true name is revealed, Reginald Aloysius Black, or R.A.B.
for short.  He goes by the name Sirius because no one would take him
serious by his real name.  Sirius was of course afraid to use his
name, real or assumed, on the note in the cave, so he used his
initials instead.  Sirius turns over Slytherin's locket in Chapter 1,
when he returns.

So now that the dead are living, who's going to bite the big one? 
That's the question everyone wants to know.  First of all Harry, some
say JK would be mad to kill off the cash cow, but don't be silly.  How
much money does she need?  She would never sacrifice artistic
integrity for money at this point in her illustrious career.  (Now, I
have been known to be sarcastic on occasion.  And so, sometimes the
written word just doesn't convey when you are being honest and
forthright.  Let me assure you that I mean this and I am not being
sarcastic.)  But is Harry the Sherlock Holmes type?  Sacrificing his
life to take Moriarty/Voldemort down?  Hardly!  First of all, what
makes you think Harry would ever be so unselfish?  He is definitely
not there yet, and would have to do an awful lot of growing up before
he gets there.  (More than fictionally swallowable.)  Hey, don't get
me wrong, I love the guy, he's just not tragic hero material.  So as
stated above, Ginny rescues him, and he lives. 

Now if I can be serious for a moment in respect for those who are
among Jo's immortally challenged, that is, you know, buying a pine
condo, becoming toast, basting the formaldehyde turkey, going into the
fertilizer business, donating the liver paté, buying the farm,--dead.
 Unfortunately, Ron is the tragic death of Book 7.  Ron must die
because he's Harry's best friend.  How else will Harry ever learn that
he isn't invincible?  This is the tragedy that makes good writing. 
Hermione and he discover true love only to have death intercede. 
(BTW, he's run over by the Ford Anglia in the final battle.)

Is Snape good or evil?
Well both of course, I mean aren't we all a mixture?  But when it
comes down to taking sides in the final battle, Snape will be among
the good ones.  Dumbledore doesn't trust evil people and is too smart
to be fooled by Snape.  

Where are the Horcruxes?  Harry will be attempting to find and destroy
Voldemort's remaining two Horcruxes.  Now if you were an evil wizard,
where might you stash a piece of your soul?  Well, it's not quite that
simple and easy.  However, once you understand the answer, it makes
perfect sense.  The tasks of finding Godric Gryffindor's and Rowena
Ravenclaw's artifacts turn out to be not so difficult.  They are found
in the third chapter of Book 7.  Riddle used Godric's left slipper and
Rowena's pet raven's squeek toy.  
     But not so fast!  When Riddle long ago asked Slughorn his
opinion, he mentioned six horcruxes, but in doing so, he hid the fact
that he really intended to use eight!  So even though the six
horcruxes are all located and destroyed in Chapter 1, there are still
two unknown to anyone!  How diabolical of him not to leave any clues
whatsoever!  It's as though he wasn't trying to make it traceable for
his enemies!
     So what are the final two Horcruxes?  Why, one is Dobby the Elf,
who turns himself in.  While he used to serve the Maldoy Family, he
was turned into a living horcrux.  This makes perfect sense as elves
are difficult to kill as they can apperate at will, and their life
span is off the charts!  These little buggers live for thousands of
years, so they make excellent storage receptacles for bits of your
standard evil wizard's soul.  Dobby is instantly killed by the Order
of the Phoenix.  (JK Rowling apologizes in advance to Dobby fans
everywhere.)  
     Finally, young Tom Riddle put another portion of his soul into
his family's old automobile, a Ford Anglia!  Yes, the same
indestructible Ford Anglia that Harry and Ron took to school and
crashed into the Whumping Willow!  Unfortunately, the car is
invulnerable.  (I particularly can't wait for this part in the seventh
film when the car is driving through the Forbidden Forest while being
bombarded by lightning bolts and fireballs, and everything else in the
Order's arsenal, but remains unscathed.)
     However, when all hope seems lost, when it seems Voldemort has
won, his eyes meet the eyes of Molly Cheesley and they fall deeply in
love.  Voldemort turns over a new leaf and works the remainder of his
life to make up for his misunderstood life and a few misdeeds.    
     Finally, there's more to Aunt Petunia than meets the eye, and
we'll find out what's unique about her in Book 7.  We already know
she's not a squib.  JKR has said, "There is a character who does
manage, in desperate circumstances, to do magic quite late in life,
but that is very rare."  Well, when Dudley tracks mud onto her living
room floor, the pent up aggression explodes.  She uses one of the
"unforgettable curses" on her own son, the Keeanu Reeves curse!  He
instantly is wracked with pains, rolling on the floor, as though
forced to actually watch a Keeanu Reeves performance.  Of course, he
will have nightmares the rest of his life.

Thanks for reading, and please be kind enough to warn others you share
this with, that these are Big Spoilers.
P.S.  JKR has changed the last word.  Once expected to be "scar," it
is now, "sandwich."
Thanks,
tim