The Six-Gilled Shark and the Longbottoms or The Aubergine That Ate Rangoon

[Goddlefrood]

No: HPFGUIDX 166414

Goddlefrood, having fully digested material relevant to 
this matter, hem hem, now starts by explaining the title:

A six-gilled shark or cow shark (Hexanchus griseus), [n. Large 
primitive shark widely distributed in warm seas] is my new name 
for Dolores Jane Umbridge. It seemed appropriate ;) as I hope 
you may agree.

The Aubergine That Ate Rangoon title references Dr. West's 
Medicine Show and Junk Band, a link to a little expansion:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aubergine_That_Ate_Rangoon

It was a title suggested to me earlier today from an engagement 
:), and again the reason for it I hope will become clear once 
I have laid this little theory before you. An aubergine is the 
way the English say egg plant. An edible fruit (seeds inside, 
not a vegetable) eating a city seemed appropriate.

It would be a resolution to the story of the six-gilled shark
that I could certainly very much appreciate, opposed though I 
am to any form of capital punishment, (advise against debate 
on this issue, btw ;))

I could have called it simply the toad and the Longbottoms, 
because it ties together the idea I had some time back, that 
is, that as far as our least favourite character (and I have 
quotes for you to prove some concurrence, one from JKR herself) 
is concerned the resolution of her story arc will also involve 
none other than Neville Longbottom. My clue was Trevor if you 
like. Not the only clue, of course :)

I am not going to analyse the six-gilled shark's tenure as 
Hogwart's High Inquisitor here. I may get to that one day, 
but probably not before DH is released. Analysis of existing 
material being at the back of my mind for now.

There is one small issue that I want to mention here, which is 
that the six-gilled shark is not, I repeat not, Trevor the toad. 
There has been quite a little Animagus discussion going on 
lately ;), and it is not my place to comment further on those. 
This is my reasoning:

If for a moment it were to be accepted that the six-gilled shark 
is Trevor the toad in her Animagus form then I would ask, kindly 
explain this:

Q: "What happened to Neville's Toad?"
JKR: "He's still lurking.."

>From Red Nose Day Chat, BBC Online, March 12, 2001, full 
interview here:

http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2001/0301-bbc-rednose.htm

This was in an unguarded moment during the course of the said 
interview, so due to the use of the masculine preposition by 
JKR I conclude that Trevor is not female. Trevor as a name 
also suggests this btw ;). This was well before OotP's 
publication of course. End of interpolation.

I can now tell you that JKR really is not fond of the 
six-gilled shark, hates her in fact, and likes to torture her. 
You don't have to believe me though, so here's my references:

"Stephen Fry: Now to go back to one of the most infuriating 
characters you've ever written, Umbridge.

JK Rowling: She's horrible isn't she? I'm glad you hate her 
because I really loathe Umbridge.

Stephen Fry: She is the worst. (To Caretaker) Have we got a 
real one from the Muggle world?"

>From Fry, Stephen, interviewer: J.K. Rowling at the Royal 
Albert Hall, 26 June 2003. Full text available here:

http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2003/0626-alberthall-fry.htm

She has also expressed similar sentiments in other interviews, 
but here is not the place to expand on that. Some links though, 
for completeness sake:

http://www.jkrowling.com/textonly/en/news_view.cfm?id=80

http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2005/0705-edinburgh-
ITVcubreporters.htm

("I would rather die than be stuck on an island with Umbridge 
or Lockhart.")

(This link I will refer to again later for another point)

Steven King is not fond of the six-gilled shark either:

"The scathing attack came after Stephen King, the American 
horror writer, raved about Rowling's "slam dunk" book. He 
called the gently smiling Dolores Umbridge, with her girlish 
voice, toadlike face, and clutching, stubby fingers, the 
greatest make-believe villain since Hannibal Lecter. He 
concluded that Rowling was a natural storyteller "bursting 
with crazily vivid ideas and having the time of her life".

From: Davies, Hugh. "Harry Potter attack starts war of words 
Literary feathers fly as Booker prize-winner suggests latest 
best-seller lacks magic." The Daily Telegraph (London), 10 
July 2003. Full article available here:

http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2003/0710-dailytelegraph-
davies.htm

Hannibal Lecter being an undesirable dinner guest of course, 
and natural extrapolations on his views following from that ;)

For those not about to look during the course of my narrative 
I can tell you that the Booker prize-winner referred is A. S. 
Byatt, whom I could not commend to you. JMO. :-Y

Even Uncle Horace will assist me in this view, this time from 
HBP, Bloomsbury Hardback Edition, Chapter Four - Horace 
Slughorn pps. 69-70:

"... I might have been in hiding, but some funny rumours have 
reached me since Dolores Umbridge left! If that's how you treat 
teachers these days -"
"Professor Umbridge ran afoul of our centaur herd," said 
Dumbledore. "I 
think you, Horace, would have known better than to stride into 
the Forest and call a horder of angry centaurs 'filthy half-
breeds'."
"That's what she did, did she?" said Slughorn. "Idiotic woman. 
Never liked her."

Not a pleasant woman (the six-gilled shark) at all, and I could 
go further (all in books, not about to expand), as I'm sure you 
can agree. Happily, for me :> she will be back, JKR promises it 
explicitly from the following:

"Give her hell from us, Peeves." Everybody loved that line.

JKR: [Laughter] Awww. Well, Umbridge, she's a pretty evil 
character.

MA: She's still out and about in the world?

JKR: She's still at the Ministry.

MA: Are we going to see more of her? [Jo nods.] You say that 
with an evil nod.

JKR: Yeah, it's too much fun to torture her not to have 
another little bit more before I finish."

This from: Anelli, Melissa and Emerson Spartz. "The Leaky 
Cauldron and MuggleNet interview Joanne Kathleen Rowling: 
Part Two," The Leaky Cauldron, 16 July 2005, to which here 
is a link:

http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2005/0705-tlc_mugglenet-anelli-
2.htm

My little inference from this material will also become clear 
when I get there.

Not far away from it now actually, and happily for me :)

Before I get to that though it should be borne in your mind, 
kind reader, that Frank and Alice Longbottom were tortured 
into insanity by use of the Cruciatus Curse on them by the 
Lestranges and Barty Crouch Junior. I do not take from this
that Neville will somehow get his revenge on the Lestranges
as others infer, but it helped me enormously to join the dots 
of the theory (it is coming) that follows in a little while.

Ere I get to that, as Sir Walter may have once said ;), I 
have to tell you that my clue is the word "torture". The 
six-gilled shark will appear in DH and she will be tortured.
"Hoorah!" you cry. I could not agree more, but with the above 
injunction on capital punishment. My further extraction from 
this matter of those mentioned having tortured Frank and 
Alice is this:

The six-gilled shark set the Dementors onto Harry and Dudley 
in Dudley Demented in HBP. Not a large leap to make to 
contend, as I do, that she also put them onto Frank and Alice. 
Like I said, a nasty woman. >=^P

My final piece of linkage to the theory is that Neville owns a 
toad called Trevor, and yes students are allowed toads as pets 
at Hogwart's, there may be some question as to whether they are 
allowed rats left open.

There are as far as I could ascertain from methods known to 
others ;) no less than 17 references to "toad" and variations 
thereon, toadlike etc., in OotP and in HBP there is a further 1.
The six-gilled shark does not appear in HBP much though, but
certainly the descriptors of her are consistent throughout her 
appearances to date.

JKR also gave a little further teaser on the six-gilled shark 
IMHO in An Evening with Harry, Carrie and Garp: Readings and 
questions #1, August 1, 2006, here it is:

"You mentioned the toad!" That's NOT significant, by the way, 
just to save myself 500 letters! "You mentioned the toad!"

Found here, for those interested in such things ;):

http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2006/0801-radiocityreading1.html

Neville Longbottom as a little poetic justice will torture or 
at least in some way discompose the six-gilled shark as an 
aside from the main action.

That is my view, I leave it to others to debate on, and may be 
back with interjections here and there.

There is a final point to make. It is on my current champion 
Neville, JKR on him, from her website:

"So where does this leave Neville, the boy who was so nearly 
King? Well, it does not give him either hidden powers or a 
mysterious destiny. He remains a 'normal' wizarding boy, 
albeit one with a past, in its way, as tragic as Harry's. As 
you saw in 'Order of the Phoenix,' however, Neville is not 
without his own latent strengths. It remains to be seen how he 
will feel if he ever finds out how close he came to being the 
Chosen One.

Some of you, who have been convinced that the prophecy marked 
Neville, in some mystical fashion, for a fate intertwined with 
Harry's, may find this answer rather dull."

This from FAQ answer, found in full here:

http://www.jkrowling.com/textonly/en/faq_view.cfm?id=84

Didn't find it dull at all myself :). Anyway it's definitely 
time for the six-gilled shark to discontinue from the 
apparently cosy existence she is leading now, and I say this 
beggingly. Her current position, as at the point reached in 
canon, well I'll let our favourite author enlighten you there:

"Owen Jones for ITV - What has happened to Umbridge?

JK Rowling: Well obviously we would all like to hear that she 
met a horrible accident but she is in fact alive and well and 
working at the Ministry.

Why doesn't she get arrested for trying to use an 
Unforgivable Curse?

JK Rowling: She has good contacts at the Ministry. She is 
one of those people, and they do exist in real life, who 
will always side with the established order. As far as she 
is concerned authority cannot be wrong so she doesn't question 
it, and I would go as far as to say that whatever happened and 
hoever took over at the Ministry, Umbridge would be there, she 
likes power. So she is going to side with the people who give 
her the authority."

>From Edinburgh "cub reporter" press conference, ITV, 16 July 
2005, in full here:

http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2005/0705-edinburgh-
ITVcubreporters.htm

Therefore, I humbly submit to and plead with JKR, that the 
six-gilled shark can no longer be allowed to live such a 
pleasnt life :>

Over to others

Goddlefrood ; P. Now then, onto the next one :)