St. Mungo's Message Preempted

[Mike]

No: HPFGUIDX 185200

Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minister of Magic
via The Daily Prophet and Owl Express:

A kind hello to all my fellow witches and wizards. Sorry to say that 
St. Mungo's has had a shake-up in staff and there doesn't seem to be 
anyone available to do this year's annual message. <actually, they 
were getting bored with it and couldn't rope anyone into doing it 
this year>

How-so-ever, we have a special treat for you this year. We at the 
Ministry have asked for someone from the Department for the 
Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures to give a short update 
from their point of view. <and cuz Mike got Fantastic Beasts & Where 
To Find Them for Christmas>

I would like to present Miss Tara Diddle. Take it away, Miss Diddle.

Tara: Huh, what,... take what away? I didn't bring any beasties with 
me today. You told me all I had to do was speak.

KS: No, no, that's just a phrase. I mean for you to go ahead, start 
your talk.

Tara: Oh, sorry, I don't get out much amongst people. I find 
creatures much more fascinating.

Ahem,... I would like to start by dispelling a few rumors and 
correcting some misinformation that my boss, Dagmarr Gonnit, has 
brought to my attention. Dag Gonnit says wizards are always getting 
these things wrong.

Acromantulas. Well, there's really not too much to tell you about 
these creatures that most of you don't already know. I suppose 
everyone finds them adorable, like I do, and they make great pets 
until they get too big. Which, I suppose, is why the Ministry has 
regulations on their importation. After all, what would we do with 
thousands of full grown Acromantulas?

KS: Umm, Miss Diddle, aren't Acromantulas highly venomous? Won't they 
kill and eat wizards?

Tara: Well,... yes, there is that. But aren't they the cutest things? 
Anyway, I was told to tell you all that Acromantulas do not 
necessarily align themselves with Dark Wizards to do their bidding. 
Acromantulas do not have political leanings, despite what you've been 
hearing about them fighting on the side of Lord Thingee at Hogwarts. 
It wasn't their fault the bad guys drove them out of their lairs and 
onto the Hogwarts grounds.

OK, on to Hippogriffs. Which is where I'd like to be, riding on a 
Hippogriff. This is really the most fun thing in the world. 
Hippogriffs are really quite tame and amenable creatures. The one I 
had when I was a kid loved it when I called her funny names.

KS: Ahh, I thought one shouldn't insult a Hippogriff? Am I missing 
something here? :looks around befuddled:

Tara: Wellll,... strictly speaking,... I suppose one shouldn't taunt 
a Hippogriff. But mine was most fond of a little ribbing now and 
then. 

KS: Wait, you had a Hippogriff as a pet when you were young?

Tara: Ummm,... well,... I guess it wasn't mine. And it wasn't really 
a pet. But it could've been!

Anyway, I have to tell you that Hippogriffs are not usually found in 
the company of Thestrals, and very rarely will fly or fight with 
them. There is a rumor that one of them lead a group of Thestrals 
into the Battle of Hogwarts, but I'm sure this isn't true.

KS: Ahh, yeah it is, I was there, I saw it. :looks around again for 
help: <where did the Ministry find this woman?>

Tara: OK, whatever.

Speaking of Thestrals, not that Thestrals can speak, mind you. You do 
know that if you own a Thestral you are supposed to perform a 
Disillusionment Charm on them every so often to hide them from 
Muggles, right?

KS: Why is that? Aren't Thestrals invisible? In fact, isn't only 
witches and wizards that can see Thestrals, and only those wizards 
that have seen death at that?

Tara: Well,... yes. Hey, it's not my idea. It's the stupid Ministry 
that put out that law.

KS: Miss Diddle, you are part of that *stupid* Ministry and it was 
your department that wrote that law. Besides, I'm sure it's meant for 
the winged horses that *are* visible, not the invisible ones.

Tara: Yeah, yeah, I suppose so. Sorry about the "stupid Ministry" 
crack, Minister.

Anyway, I was told to remind everyone that keeping a Thestral in meat 
can cost a fortune. For those that are thinking of acquiring one. 
They won't eat anything else, you know?

KS: I thought they were omnivores. I was sure I saw some grazing once 
before. Are you sure about that?

Tara: Well,... I suppose they will eat some grasses when they need to 
calm themselves down and to supplement their diet. But they like meat 
the best, and it can cost a bunch to keep them fed.

KS: Umm, won't Thestrals hunt for themselves. I was told that they 
are pretty much self sufficient. And being invisible to Muggles, 
there is no problem letting them out to hunt.

Tara: Well,... yes,... I suppose that makes sense.

KS: :shaking his head: Thank you Miss Diddle, this has been, umm,... 
very informative. I believe I will be thanking Dag Gonnit in person 
for sending you along.

Tara: Oh, no problem, Minister. I'll just be collecting my Niffler 
and heading back, if that's all right with you?

KS: Wait, I thought you said you didn't bring anything with you.

Tara: No, I said I didn't bring any beasties. Nifflers aren't a 
problem so I don't consider them beasties. I just locked him in your 
office while we were chatting.

KS: You WHAT??... Oh never mind.... Yes, please do collect your 
Niffler before you go. And tell Gonnit to expect me calling upon her 
very soon.


Well folks, I hope you got something out of this,... ahh,... talk. I 
know I did <yeah, like I'd better start reviewing my Departments' 
hiring practices>. Until next year, when we hope to have St. Mungos 
back. <They gotta be better than these people>

*******************************
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

Mike, who still isn't sure what those Thestrals were eating in the 
Weasleys' garden