Biggest DH dissapointment

[leslie41]

No: HPFGUIDX 180366

Apologies if this has been "answered" before.  I've been haunting the 
boards and not posting for awhile.  As people in general have been 
pointing out, there seems to be a feeling of let down and a falling 
off of participating on the board, now that DH has been out for six 
months.

I was trying to tell myself, despite evidence to the contrary, that 
DH was good.  I liked it, don't get me wrong, but I thought it failed 
in several key ways.  I won't go into the other several--the biggest 
one for me seems to be that the entire plot (or at least a major 
subplot) seemed to turn upon a fact that Harry should have discovered 
long ago.

Snape loved Lily.  

In her interview Rowling says in general that she put clues in the 
books as to what would happen--I certainly saw all the clues with 
Snape indicating that he was "good," so much so that it was no 
surprise to me and I almost didn't even worry about it.  I also knew 
he would die.

And the clues that he was friends with Lily were there, too.  "That 
awful boy," and the fact that Lily was good at potions.  Lily's 
defense of Snape, of course.  Etc. 

But I never believed those clues because it made no sense that Snape 
loved Lily, because if he had loved her and been such a close friend, 
everyone would have known (and they did) and someone would have 
mentioned something to Harry. 

As time has gone by I think that this revelation was a really cheap 
vicious cheat.  Because, really, it's illogical to spring that on us 
now, when Harry would have heard it many times before from any number 
of people, esp. Sirius and Remus. They certainly would have known 
that Lily and Snape were best friends, even if they didn't think that 
Snape loved her.  And everyone could see that he did.  Everyone.  

Why on earth would Remus and Sirius hold back something like that?  
Especially Sirius, who would have relished telling Harry that Snape 
held a terrible grudge because he was thwarted in love?

I don't get it.  I just don't get it.  That fact is so important, but 
it is also extremely public.  It's pretty public who one's friends 
are.  Certainly Snape's DE friends are widely known and mentioned.  
How could it not be widely known that he was best friends with Lily?  
What would be the purpose of withholding that knowledge from Harry?  
I would think it would be the first thing I would have told him.  Pre-
PoA, okay, maybe there's no one around to say, and Dumbledore feels 
like he shouldn't discuss Snape's feelings with Harry, because of his 
promise.  Okay.  But during/after PoA?  Why didn't Sirius say 
anything?

As in:

Harry:  Snape hates me!
Sirius:  'Course he hates you!  He was in love with your mum and she 
chose your father instead!  Snape's a pathetic git!
Harry:  (long pause) Oh.  Well that explains a lot.  Thanks!
Sirius: 'Welcome. 

I've been looking over that scene in PoA where Snape confronts the 
Marauders in the Shrieking Shack--it's the first thing Sirius would 
have thrown at him.  And Snape taunting him about his "hidey hole" in 
OotP? Easy opportunity to make Snape cringe.

Did I miss something?  Did Dumbledore tell everyone never to say 
anything about Snape and Lily?  And how could he have ever told 
Sirius, who disappeared before he could have made any such promise?  

It's sort of freaking me out as I think back on the other books. 

Somebody help!  Maybe there's an easy answer I'm not seeing.