Dragonicity

[Barry Arrowsmith]

A desperate and probably futile attempt to make connections where none 
are likely to exist and to predict events that won't happen.
Has that ever stopped me before?
Not noticeably, no.
But I have noticed that some of the fauna in HP doesn't get the 
attention from the fans that one might expect, particularly the more 
lethal varieties. Odd that. Let's redress the balance a little.

Dragons, now.
Would the study of such be termed Dracology or Dragonetics?
I'm sure somebody out there has the answer.
Whatever, they're popular beasties - kids are usually fascinated by 'em 
and a goodly number of writers have included dragons as key plot 
devices. From the tongue-in-cheek ("Puff the Magic Dragon"), the 
vicious (Smaug), the misunderstood (Tom Holt) to the mutated fluffy 
(Anne McCaffery), they turn up all over the place.

(BTW - if you enjoy parody - you naughty, cruel people you! - then I 
can recommend David Langford's "The Dragonhiker's Guide to Battlefield 
Covenant at Dune's Edge: Odyssey Two". Not easy to find these days, a 
collection of short skewerings mostly of fantasy and SF authors, but it 
does have as part of the introduction a scene involving G'rot, his 
dragon Filth and the feisty but lovely Vanilla. Pern will never be the 
same again. What you can get hold of is his "The Silence of the 
Langford". Now if only I could write essays like those...)

No matter. In HP too we have dragons. Good oh. They've turned up twice 
in the main plot and more often as background material or references. 
Presented pretty much as standard magical monsters - vicious, 
untamable, powerful - it's highly unlikely that Harry will pull off an 
Industrial Light and Magic sponsored Hermione/Ginny/Ron relief mission 
by riding one of these beasts to the rescue. Be thankful for small 
mercies. Those with suspicious minds and some familiarity with 
mythology may cast a leery eye at Andromeda Tonks. And if Severus Snape 
really is Perseus Evans - well, that'd be a turn up for the books. And 
I wonder what Draco's animagus form is? Nah. Couldn't be. Could it?

In folklore dragons are mostly described as having a maiden fixation 
(Why? Is it an excuse for the king - it's inevitably his daughter - to 
get a bit of peace at breakfast? And are they eaten as crudites or 
flambe [please excuse lack of acutes]? The latter would be my advice - 
all the pictures I've seen depict these slightly podgy damsels ["Does 
my bum look big in this?" - "Yes."] as having tresses four feet long. 
Grave danger of hair balls for the unwary consumer.)

They're depicted as having a gold complex too. Sort of mythological 
magpies for shiny bits and pieces.

Dredging through what remains of my chemistry knowledge and combining 
it with some reasonable assumptions - I reckon dragons sleep on piles 
of gold because it's the only stuff that can pass unaltered through the 
chemical hell of their digestive systems. All those rings, necklaces, 
bangles - nothing more than expelled indigestibles accumulated over a 
few centuries of snacking on those who ignored the warnings clearly 
printed on the map. They've only themselves to blame. If someone goes 
to the trouble of announcing "Here be Dragons" on a hand-drawn limited 
edition parchment it's wise to assume they know what they're talking 
about.

But this doesn't seem to apply in the Potterverse. Here we have dragons 
that're ginormous flying reptiles with volcanic halitosis, magically 
impervious skin and a disposition that's best described as touchy. And 
unlike dragons written of elsewhere they don't communicate, though I 
suppose ripping someone's lungs out after charcoaling the packaging 
could be construed as dropping a hint or two.

So what's the likelihood of further dragon-related happenings in HP? 
Pretty good, I'd say. The background is already in place and so are a 
few of the cast.

There's Charlie at the dragon reserve in Rumania - and on the reserve 
is Norbert, who's probably put on a  bit of heft in the past 5 years, 
while just across the border is our old pal Vicky who also has some 
past experience of the beasts. And let us not forget that  Hagrid's 
lurking in the background - the dragon-fancier supreme. It's all lined 
up for a bit of field-work in the CoMC curriculum.

Unfortunately, while aerial fireworks are a fair possibility there's a 
low probability of wizard-crispies littering the forest floor. No doubt 
a few minor scorchings with the recipient restored to rude health by a 
cunningly contrived unguent or three, but nothing really serious. Pity.

But I have dreams, mmm!
And who gets the short straw?
Luna. Oh, yes! Couldn't happen to a nicer person. Kidnapped by some of  
Krum's more Durmstrang-orthodox chums, chained to the traditional rock, 
burbling inanely of snorkacks and wondering if she really likes this 
game, the maiden awaits her fate. And who will leap to her defence, 
determined against all the odds to flummox the feral flame-throwers?

Will it be Ron using the occasion for a bit of goal-keeping practice? 
No. I've got him lined up for a different destiny. Nor Neville, driven 
by the conviction that it's the right thing to do. His sticky end lies  
elsewhere. Maybe.... that irritating little squit Creevy. Yes.... 
ineffectual spells bouncing off a peckish Norbert; the zzzt! as poor 
Colin does his climactic impersonation of a mozzy hit by a blow-torch 
flame; the neat outline and whiff of burnt corks on the gently glowing, 
ceramic-finish rock. Isn't nature wonderful? Two birds with one stone. 
A quiet murmur of satisfaction from those who had to put up with the 
likes of Luna in the 60s and don't see why they should have to go 
through it again. Ahh! Yes!

Kneasy