Best of Enemies. pt. 4.

[Barry Arrowsmith]

"Next!"
And who is this shuffling to front and centre?
Of course! Barty Crouch the younger!

A more developed villain than Quirrell (unlike who he interacts with 
Harry throughout the relevant book) and he successfully conceals his 
true identity and goals until the final chapters. Nevertheless I can't 
help shifting in my seat when considering him in detail.

His apprehension and sentencing sets up the possibility of  yet another 
sub-plot (Crouch Snr brought down, being presented with a choice of two 
invidious alternatives - nepotism or being tarred as a fanatical 
hanging judge lacking compassion even for his own son, thus opening the 
way for a more 'flexible' Minister - Fudge - possibly obligated to and  
compromised by the DEs, since they deliberately informed on BCJnr with 
this in mind). Tasty.

All well and good. No problem.
No problem with the Crouch!Moody character either, not as such.
It's the background detail that bothers me. It's just a bit too, too, I 
  don't know, too slick for comfort. The actions and explication seem 
reasonable on the surface, but on reflection I can't see them actually 
working, if you know what I mean. The 'real life' bits and pieces that 
you know *must* have happened - yet if they did they'd invalidate the 
tale as told.

His escape from Azkaban - mmph; just possible, I suppose. But the more 
I think about, the more the questions  surface.
And Crouch Snr  keeping a zonked out officially dead DE in the 
woodshed, the attic or wherever. What on earth was he going to  do with 
him? Eventually transfigure him into a draught excluder, perhaps? And 
if Jnr was constantly enveloped in an Invisibility Cloak, how the hell 
did Barty Snr ever know where he was?  By blasting Leg-locker spells 
around the kitchen until something fell over? Yeah, sure.

Jnr at the QWC - again, lots of quibbles and questions about that too,  
though many (but not all) could be resolved by postulating that Bagman 
was cognisant of the situation and was covertly involved in much that 
happened there.

Lots of  fans are unhappy that Archduffer!DD didn't  spot Crouch!Moody 
as a ringer for an entire school year. Old friends, common experiences 
and memories - "'ere, Ally, remember that time at Coven 80 to 130, when 
you, me and them two Veelas...." - no way could Barty cover up for that 
long. Of course not. DD knew. The Portkey Cup may have caught him on 
the hop, nothing else did IMO.

You may consider all this to be nit-picking. Possibly. Perhaps I want 
perfection in plotting and in backstory - unreasonable expectations, 
perhaps. For all that Barty Jnr is one of the better baddies in the 
series. He has a specific goal (get Potter into  Voldy's clutches) and 
he works towards it in a way that is nicely obscured by the authors 
sleight of hand. Not his fault that Voldy cocks it up. He's done his 
part.

May have served another function too; I'm of the opinion that the 
Unforgivables classes served a double plot purpose. Not only did  they 
allow Harry to develop a resistance to Imperio, they also demonstrated 
who was particularly vulnerable to them. Hello Ron. Due to have a nasty 
turn, are you?


Time to consider the chief cur, vicious villain, boss baddy, malign 
monster, frightful fiend and foul foe of our hero and all 
right-thinking wizards and witches, that utter vileness - Voldemort!
Except that a job evaluation might opine that it's time he pulled his 
socks up and matched his billing.

Can't be easy constructing a character like Voldy. Damn near immortal, 
so nasty that folk are afraid to mention his name, the Potterverse's 
No. 2 seed in the magical rankings, yet somehow some little squit has 
to knock him off his perch without it  seeming too contrived. There is 
a way of course - don't use magic. But that may (or may not) be in the 
future; the recent past is a very different kettle of fish.

Four times this maleficent mastermind has faced young Potter and four 
times he's come off worst. Mind you, it's not Harry that beats him, 
it's always something extraneous, unforeseen, unexpected. Old magic, a 
protective charm, wand conflict, DD riding to  the rescue. None of them 
conscious, deliberate tactics from Harry. No wonder Voldy is pissed 
off. It looks bad when the same name keeps turning up at the top of his 
"To Do" list; gives the likes of Lucius cause to wonder if maybe 
Voldy's losing his grip.

Best  advice: ignore Potter, he's unlikely to bother you if you don't 
bother him. Ignore the Prophecy. Sort out the immortality bit - that'd 
be a winner, however you look at it. Stick to what you do best, you 
know - torture, fear, killing the odd incompetent DE. You're supposed 
to be intelligent, now's the time to prove it. Don't chew the carpet 
when things go wrong, it's counter-productive. And for God's sake keep 
Bella on a tight leash, save her for salutary punishments, down the DE 
Clubhouse as top of the bill for the evening's entertainment:
"So - you allowed Weasley to escape, did you? For that - 3 hours with 
Bella!"
(For those interested, Bella is in the next (?last) in the series.)

I was a bit disappointed when it turned out that his aim was to rule 
the world. Oh dear. That old thing again. Think about it. And remember 
to include the restraints already imposed by the author. Can't  help 
doing so, myself. Probably my scientific training kicking in - 
extrapolating from the situation as presented using the information 
provided.

Any 'reign of terror' will have to be done on a one-to-one basis, 
"Please take a ticket and wait until your number is called." That's the 
problem with wand-waving and Imperio! spells, it won't work on a bloke 
walking his dog four streets away when the person you're aiming at is 
next door polishing his broom. No mass conversions, no job-lot 
enchantments, you've got to look 'em in the eyes. Other fantasy tales 
have neatly side-stepped the problem by inventing some coveted object, 
a Macguffin that  holds sway over entire populations - the Truss of 
Doom or the Monopoly Set of Destiny ("I throw the dice and the place my 
boot lands will be expunged from the face of the Earth! Ha! Ha! Ha! 
Them 'as dies'll be the lucky ones!").

Even with a massive recruiting drive ("Bring in 5 new members and get a 
free toad!") it'll be a few hundred years before any DEs get round to 
your neighbourhood. By then of course, they'll have had to start all 
over again as spells wear off, to say nothing of the new generations, 
of both enforcers and victims.

And just what is he intending to do with all these millions once he's 
got them in durance vile? Turn 'em into slaves? Sounds good, that  - 
but there's one small snag. Slaving at doing what? If they're *all* 
slaves there's no-one to buy what they produce - no wages, no money, no 
consumers thirsting for the latest Madam Malkin creation. Slavery has 
always been perpetrated and justified (erroneously) in terms of 
economics, otherwise it's a burden, a drain on your time and resources.

Kill 'em all perhaps? Yeah, sure. With a world population of 
9,000,000,000 and increasing every year by 80,000,000, killing 'em all 
individually or in small groups will take a bit of time, even if the 
DEs are on bonus rates.  He'll *need* to be immortal - and even then 
he'll never finish.

Start wars by getting  at politicians or military leaders? Who'd notice 
the difference? Most of 'em don't  seem to be in touch with reality 
anyway. And there's not much point in being the sole survivor, capering 
with joy in a radio-active, poison ridden landscape.

Nope; Ming the Merciless he ain't. He's a fairly localised pest. And 
it's better that way, adds credibility too. Keep it small, keep it 
controllable, always have somebody you can characterise as an enemy. It 
provides a purpose to life, staves off boredom - a real danger if you 
plan on being immortal. A boy needs some hobbies. And just for now his 
hobby is Harry.

But only by default.
If it wasn't for that damn Prophecy none of this would have happened. 
He'd have been sitting pretty long since. The WW was crumbling, the 
Order was on it's last legs, he was winning. And then that dozy old bat 
turns Delphic, somebody overhears and before you  know it a minor 
distraction becomes a major disaster. He's never caught up since. All 
that remains is personal vindictiveness and an obsession with a few 
ambiguous utterances that will probably only make some sort of sense in 
retrospect anyway.

Will he have another chance of making good?
Of course!
But winning?
Nah. But he might take Harry and DD down with him.
Call it a draw.

Kneasy