Dead Dumbledore

[Randy]

Some other groups are discussing whether Dumbledore is really dead 
or not.  So I wrote this as a tribute to their discussions.

Having just finished reading his books to his young
children for the night. Red Eye Randy wanders into the
Hogs Head and orders a brandy.  He then walks up to
the stage and begins reading from Dr. Seuss ( a former
teacher at Hogwarts).  He also orders a plate of Green
Eggs and Ham......


Dead Dumbledore

That JKR, that JKR
I do not trust that JKR.

Do you buy dead Dumbledore ?

I do not buy it, JKR
I do not buy dead Dumbledore!

Would you buy it here or there?

I would not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere.
I do not buy dead Dumbledore
I do not trust you JKR !

Would you buy it at Snape's house?
Where Peter's listening like a mouse?

I do not buy it at Snape's house
I do not like that silly old mouse.
I would not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere.
I do not buy dead Dumbledore
I do not trust you JKR !

The unbreakable vow is like a box !
That Snape's a traitor like a fox !

Not in a box
Snape's not a fox
Not at Snape's house
Not with that mouse.
I would not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere.
I do not buy dead Dumbledore
I do not trust you JKR !

Would you? Could you?
In the bar?
Madame Rosemerta helped from afar!

I would not, could not in a bar!

But Snape was mad at him you see.
Remember that incident with the tree!

I do not think Snape did that deed.
Now JKR,, you let me be.

Keep your horcruxes in that box
I do not think that Snape's a fox.
I do not buy it at Snape's house
I do not like that silly old mouse.
I would not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere.
I do not buy dead Dumbledore
I do not trust you JKR !

AK ! AK ! AK ! AK !
Can't you see it was AK ?

Not really AK! Not Snape's bad deed !
Not in the bar! Joanne, you let me be!

Keep your horcruxes in that box
I do not think that Snape's a fox.
I do not buy it at Snape's house
I do not like that silly old mouse.
I would not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere.
I do not buy dead Dumbledore
I do not trust you JKR !

Say! In the Dark?
In Riddle's Cave!
He drank that potion in the Cave !

I would not, could not in the dark.

He fell off the tower and split his brain ?

I don't believe he split his brain.
Not drunk from Cave! Not really AK !
Not in the bar. Not Snape's bad deed.
I do not trust you, Joanne, you see.
Not at Snape's house. His vow a box.
Not with that mouse. Snape's not a fox.
I will not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere!

You do not buy dead Dumbledore?

I do not trust you JKR !

You think I'd not kill that old goat?
Perhaps a bezoar down his throat?

I don't think you killed that old goat!

Prof Dumbledore did Snape not smote?

I don't believe that Snape did smote.
I don't think he killed that old goat!
I don't believe he split his brain.
Not drunk from Cave! Not really AK !
Not in the bar. Not Snape's bad deed.
I do not trust you, Joanne, you see.
Not at Snape's house. His vow a box.
Not with that mouse. Snape's not a fox.
I will not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere!

I do not buy dead Dumbledore!
I do not trust you JKR!

You do not trust me.
So you say.
Then book seven you'll read some day!
Perhaps he's not dead, but I can't say!

JKR!
Please write quickly!
We will read it
Then we'll all see!

And closed his book
And finished his brandy
And ordered another
Did Red Eye Randy


Randy still is unsure whether DD is dead but offers
this poem to those who are convinced that he is alive!