Voldemort Filk

[Randy]

For the midi go to:

http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/Stage/7840/gaston.htm 

Voldemort
(Words by Randy Estes)

Sung to the tune of "Gaston"   Music: Alan Menken

[Voldemort:]
Who does he think he is? That kid has tangled with the
wrong wizard! No one gets away from Voldemort!
[Wormtail:] 
Heh heh. Darn right, Master.
[Voldemort:] 
Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly Humiliated! Why, it's more than I can 
bear.
[Wormtail:] 
More wine?
[Voldemort:] 
What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.
[Wormtail:] 
Who, you? Never! Sir, you've got to pull yourself together. 

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Voldemort
Looking like creamed baby lumps     (he thinks of the cauldron in the 
cemetery.)
Every guy here'd love to be you, Voldemort
Even when taking your lumps
There's no wizard in town as feared as you
You're the mudbloods least favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and terrified by you
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Voldemort
No one's sick as Voldemort
No one's wand's as incredibly quick as Voldemort
For there's no wizard in town half as crafty
Perfect, a pure Slytherin.
You can ask any Crabbe, Goyle or Malfoy
And they'll tell you whose team to join in.

[Death Eater Chorus:] 
No one stuns like Voldemort
Makes others run like Voldemort

[Wormtail:] 
No one's got a swell fork in his tongue like Voldemort

[Voldemort:] 
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating

[Death Eater Chorus:] 
My what a guy, that Voldemort

Give seven "horcruxes!"
Give twelve "sacrifices!"

[Wormtail:] 
Voldemort is the best
And the rest is all mices.       (Peter does a double take after he 
sings this)

[Death Eater Chorus:] 
No one fights like Voldemort
Douses lights like Voldemort

[Malfoy:] 
In a dueling match nobody bites like Voldemort

[Bellatrix:] 
For there's no one as evil and charming

[Voldemort:] 
As you see I've got people to scare

[Wormtail:] 
Not a bit of him is not disarming!         (he does another double 
take)

[Voldemort] 
(That's right!)
And you know that I'm Slytherin's heir!

[Malfoy:] 
No one kills like Voldemort

[Bellatrix:] 
Matches wills with Voldemort

[Wormtail:] 
Nor does torture give others such a thrill as Voldemort

[Voldemort:] 
I'm especially good at Avada Kedavra! (Zing!)  
                                                        (Everyone 
ducks as sparks shoot out of his wand)

[Death Eater Chorus:]
Ten points for Slytherin!

[Voldemort:] 
When I was a lad I killed four dozen birds
Ev'ry morning to help me feel large
And now that I'm grown I kill five dozen birds
So I feel like I'm really in charge.

[Death Eater Chorus:] 
No one yells like Voldemort
Casts those spells like Voldemort

[Wormtail:] 
Then goes around giving us hell like Voldemort

[Voldemort:] 
I use elf heads in all of my decorating!

[Death Eater Chorus:] 
Say it again
Who's a true Slytherin?
And then say it once more
Who's the Dark Lord next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down

[Wormtail:] 
And his name's L-O-R -
D-V-O-L - D -
E-M-O-R-T - oh!