Radio TBAY - Business News

[Barry Arrowsmith]

"Kaynes here, with a round-up of news and comment from the Wizarding  
World of Business ...

"More trouble for spellware developers Magi-Stufft - Willie Wickets,  
head honcho and co-founder, railed against malicious intrusions and  
piracy at the launch of the new 'Porthole v.457.87' spellware  
package. "This one will be perfect,"  he promised as he explained how  
customers could download 'efficient and omni-wand compatible' spells  
in the form of copyright memories from the company's central Pensieve  
- at a cost little more than the user's average weekly salary.

"Objections that this was what he always said were countered with the  
claim that  previous problems had been caused by rogue Legilimens  
illegally accessing user memories to either copy or subvert  
proprietary spells. "Now that we've finally perfected the Occlumentic  
protection, it's a super-stable system," he insisted. However,  
onlookers expressed doubts as to the accuracy of his assertions when  
an attempt to demonstrate the re-vamped 'Office Scroll' spellware  
produced nothing except a grinning colophon which promptly ate his  
wand and then vanished.

"Confirmation from Broom Accessories that the must-have 'Here-U-R'  
precision positioner and 'as the crow flies' route-finder has been  
flying off the shelves - "Yeah, and when we find whoever it is who's  
accio-ing our stuff, they'll wish they'd never been born," a spokes- 
wizard warned ominously.

"And now to Sankey, on the scene at the Ministry were trade  
negotiations have been taking place. Sankey?"

"Hi, Kaynes. Well, the threat of a trade war hangs over us tonight as  
talks break down after some pretty acrimonious exchanges. It's all  
centred on the hassle about magic carpets - which you'll know were  
banned here years ago. What listeners may not know is that at the  
time of the ban manufacturers in the UK who were already established  
were licensed by the Ministry to continue manufacture for export  
only. There are even rumours of substantial covert subsidies. Now the  
owls are coming home to roost. The International Guild of the Fully  
Harmonious and Delightfully Magical Multi-Passenger Woven Aerial  
Transporters has complained of dumping; and not only that, but that  
the dumped goods are cheap rubbish that are undercutting traditional   
craftsmen and causing real hardship among the loomsters. Here's what  
their spokesman had to say after the meeting broke down."

"One time triple-ply Wilton damn good stuff. Now buncha crap. When  
Ministry stop carpets here they also abolish Industry Standards. Now  
makers can use  any old tat to make rugs. It's disgrace! Frayed  
edges! Some can hardly get off ground! And these alchemist-made  
fibres! No good! Get static build-up so strong that when you land the  
shock fries your onions! Unless all change we fight back - we ban  
export of magic herbs, wood for wands."

"Sounds serious,  Sankey."

"Too true, Kaynes. They're serious. The lights will burn late in the  
Ministry tonight as they try to hammer out a deal that will side-step  
the horrors of  rice-pudding rationing. Can they do it?
Sankey, TBAY Business News, the Ministry."

"In a report on the leisure industry, it's been revealed that the  
Ministry has been requested to investigate time-share holidays.  
Complainants speak of holidays spoiled when as many as six families  
found they were all booked into the same small Italian villa at the  
same time and were expected to avoid each other by the judicious use  
of time-turners. "Competition to be first for breakfast got out of  
hand," admitted one. "We all kept going further and further back in  
an attempt to beat the others to the bathroom. We realised it was  
getting silly when one morning we saw Vesuvius erupt and bury  
Pompeii. The kids were really upset - we'd promised to take them to  
the Circus that afternoon. It ruined our holiday."

"And finally:
"Hobbies and pastimes are becoming more popular, according to the  
latest life-style survey conducted by the Chamber of Commerce.  
"Businesses should not be afraid of grasping new and innovative  
opportunities in this age of leisure,"  it stated. As an example it  
highlighted the overnight success of Origami Unlimited - formed after  
the Clean-Sheet Paper Co. folded."

"This is Kaynes, signing off the Business round-up."