More random jottings - on a theme

[Barry Arrowsmith]

For all the discussion on so-called 'adult themes' in HP - by 
which the participants generally mean stuff like loyalty, 
ethics and that old standby love - there is absolutely no 
hint of the most popular adult activity of all. Sex - with its
fascinating complications, variations and frustrations - the 
last being particularly prevalent among teenagers IIRC.
Oh yes, my memory can stretch that  far back, no matter 
that some regard me as a model of drooling senility. 

Sure, thoughts/activity in this area are a bit premature in 
the earlier books, for the kids anyway, though you'd expect 
that from GoF on it'd at least get an oblique mention or two. 
Certainly by this age for European kids (can't speak for the 
others) the nuts and bolts are a standard part of the educational
curriculum and the more exciting practicalities have already 
been explored to varying degrees behind the bike-sheds. 
The readership that these books are presumably aimed at 
could teach Jo a thing or two about teenage relationships.

This lacuna is no doubt an encouragement to those of the 
fanfic brigade who have seen what looks like a gap in the 
market and they've leapt into it with no little enthusiasm. 
And even on the main lists the fans seem so frustrated at 
this total non-appearance that they slide over to extremes 
and muse on the possibilities of rape for Ariana and an
 off-camera (but with sound effects) replay from classical 
mythology for Umbridge.
Unlikely to be intended IMO. If she won't even hint at the 
bread-and-butter stuff, the shocking has no chance at all.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not advocating that HP should be
replete with steamy scenes, but so far as I can see, there's 
no indication that sexual thoughts ever occur (an impossibility
for teenage males, the girls - they can speak for themselves) 
or indeed any indication that wizards reproduce by any natural
means whatsoever. I think Jo has invented a sub-species lacking
certain hormones and reproduction occurs after a shall we
/sharn't we discussion over a nice hot cup of cocoa and if the 
decision is affirmative then they wave a magic wand - and voila! 
The missus is up the duff.

This may well be why purebloods have such a downer on Muggles
and mudbloods. Muggles have certain expectations above and 
beyond a magically induced immaculate conception - and 
purebloods don't like to be reminded of their deficiencies after the
lights go out. 

Mind you, given the way magical society is organised, what with
the strong emphasis on separateness, it's difficult to imagine 
how any of 'em get to know Muggles well enough to pick one 
of them as a life-partner. From what we see it all happens early 
- snog a few House-mates at Hogwarts, raising your standards 
with each round, pick a winner and that's it. I'd guess the average
age for marriage is much lower than in the RW. Serves 'em right.

Jo is utterly conventional as to what the hurly-burly of the 
chaise-longue consists of (assuming it exists at all in the WW), 
not even any descriptions of what Victorians would approve of as 
an 'awful warning'; no adultery, no co-habiting couples, no serial 
monogamy, no shotgun weddings, no divorces, no second/third 
marriages with arrangements for who gets the kids, the house, 
the hippogriff, and none of the more, let us say modern 
arrangements that have allowed formerly victimised minorities 
some breathing space.

On reflection there are a couple of awful warnings - but both 
concern the consequences of unrequited passion - and the  
emphases conflict somewhat: Merope and Snape (with Lavender 
Whatsit as a junior league try-out). The parables teach that if you
force a one-sided relationship you die miserably in the workhouse,
and if you do nothing you end up with a snake for a necktie. 
Lesson: only ever love somebody who already loves you. 
Very helpful, that.

Mind you, if the casualty list from the final battle were to be  
amended, there'd be one partnership that I bet wouldn't have lasted
- the Lupins. A classic really - very reluctant groom, match goes 
ahead anyway, followed by second thoughts strong enough to consider 
doing a runner, dampened (temporarily?) by arrival of offspring. All 
too often an arc that's followed by an attempted acceptance of the
staus quo (aka making a go of it), growing recrimination and eventual
termination. (Shadows of Portugal?) 

Never gets that far of course. It'd spoil the plastic perfection by 
introducing the more commonplace.

Fortunately most of us have had a lot more fun in this aspect of our 
lives than Jo's creations have. Though in places that can leak through
.... hmm, might be about time to drop in on Madam Whiplash for a 
corrective (ahem) viewpoint...

Kneasy