Petunia's Dirty Little Secret

[Talisman]

--- In the_old_crowd at yahoogroups.com, "mooseming" <josturgess at ...> 
wrote:
>
> --- In the_old_crowd at yahoogroups.com, "Talisman" <talisman22457@> 
> wrote:
> >> Now to the problem at hand:
> > 
> > What *is* our horse-faced housekeeper hiding under her apron?
> > > Talisman, saying, let's have her go out after a *last vile 
move* 
> that sets up the delightfully thorough smack down.
> 
Mooseming: 

> What is the hold either Puppetmaster!DD or Voldemort could have 
over 
> Petunia? I'm increasingly of the opinion that Dudley is a wizard, 
> not a particularly powerful one but magical none the less. 

Talisman:

We are so burdened by that wretched late-bloomer business.  Like a 
pebble in the old shoe, it keeps rolling back to spoil the scenery.

And Dudley is such a
 Dud
that I suppose it's only natural to want to 
help him out.  

Give the poor putz a break and light up his wand, eh? You soft-
hearted wench.

But our icy-hearted Goddess is having none of it:


[I]n book seven [Harry will] be allowed to use magic outside school. 
Ha-ha (cackling). So Dudley's really going to be in trouble. 
[Laughter] 

"Now look at you being nasty to Dudley." I get letters from parents 
saying I'm mean because I make Harry be nasty to Dudley. And I'm 
like, have you read Dudley? do you understand what Dudley's like? I 
mean, there's turning the other cheek and there's just being a moron!

(The Magical World Of J K Rowling
http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/1999/1099-bostonvideo-
dissendium.html )


Moreover she's pretty much quashed his chances of blooming anything 
interesting:

Is there more to Dudley than meets the eye?
"No. [Laughter]. What you see is what you get. I am happy to say that 
he is definitely a character without much back story. He is just 
Dudley."

(Edinburgh Book Festival, Sunday, August 15, 2004.
http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2004/0804-ebf.htm ).

Ol' Dudley Wysiwyg Dursley isn't likely to be the hub of an elaborate 
magical suppression scheme.

Mooseming:
> Why might she be afraid of Azkeban? Perhaps someone has told her 
> that is the destination of rogue wizards


Talisman:

It's hard to see how Petunia would live in fear, not only of his 
becoming a wizard, but a rogue one at that--and then so much so that 
Azkaban would become her mantra--when he has never so much as 
summoned a snack cake.

On top of that, and in addition to Rowling's statements, I think we 
can disqualify  both Dudley and Mrs. Figg, as the late-bloomer, since 
neither one of them could see the dementors.

Late-bloomers don't *become* magical at an advanced age, they're 
simply slower at manifesting *feats.*

You are either born magic, or not.  And, if you are magic, you can 
see dementors.  Dudley and Mrs. Figg did not, and therefore, they are 
not.

Now you have me off on this tangent. ; )

We really have a rather short list of Squibs and Muggles to choose 
from.

With Dudley out, I think we can safely cross the whole Dursley family 
off our list:  

DR: The Dursleys.
JKR: The Dursleys. And they're what wizards call muggles. Meaning 
that they're completely non-magical. 
(Diane Rehm Show
http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/1999/1299-wamu-rehm.htm )

E: Like the Dursleys are more of a cutout bad people?
JK: Yes and no. You will meet Dursleys, in Britain. You will. I've 
barely exaggerated them.
(CBC NewsWorld
http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2000/0700-hottype-solomon.htm)

*LRGS School: Which character do you most dislike ?
JK Rowling replies -> Probably Uncle Vernon.

(World Book Day Chat
http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2004/0304-wbd.htm)

And, of course, my original post had all the quotes about Petunia's 
certified Mugglehood.

The Dursleys are Rowling's consummate Muggles, and are slated to go 
on representing for the rest of the program.

Once the Dursley's are out of our hair, we don't have much left in 
the way of Muggles with sufficient character development to do 
anything interesting in Book 7.

Milkman Creevey and the Grangers, DDS, are hardly candidates.

I'm sure someone out there is pulling for Piers Polekiss, but that's 
just unseemly.

Mark Evans has already been written off as a non-entity, so unless 
the Prime Minister is going to turn the opposition into gerbils, we 
are smack out of stock.

Squib-wise, we've already nixed Figgy...so, unless I'm over-looking 
someone...the winner is...must be...Filtch!

Granted, late-bloomer is straining the euphemism in his case.   
Still, he's been set up nicely with all his Quikspell practice--at 
least he's got a wand to wave--and a burst of hands-on success will 
spice things up nicely with Ms. Pince.

Question is, what will our Marques de Argus do once he's running 
hot?   His impulses usually aren't pleasant. Especially when it comes 
to young`uns. 

On the other hand, Filtch *did* help bind up Snape's wounds in 
PS/SS.  There seems to be an amicable relationship between those two, 
so maybe the old git'll earn his keep in some service to our Dusky 
Hero.

That'd be my bet.

How about our generous author--eh?  A twist for everyone, including 
Filtch.

Talisman, crossing another subplot off the list.