"And How Are We Feeling Today?"

[Cindy C. <cindysphinx@comcast.net>]

"*CLEAR!!!*"

"It's not working, Doctor.  We're losing her!"

"Dammit!  Charge to 400! . . . 

"*CLEAR!!!*"

"Still nothing, Doctor . . . . She's been down a long time.  I think 
we've done all we can do."

"Hang on.  What's that in her hand?"  George wriggled the parchment 
from Cindy's hand and unfurled it, squinting at the tiny typeface.

"I don't believe it!" he exclaimed.  "It's . . . it's the December 
Progress Report!"

Just then, a low moan rose from the gurney.  "What . . . what 
happened?" Cindy croaked, blinking into the light.

"You were out cold," George explained, taking her pulse with his 
slender fingers.  "Some sort of adverse reaction to cataloguing, we 
think.  Very rare.  As soon as we took that progress report away 
from you, you came around.  I've never seen anything like it in my 
six weeks of medical practice."

"Oh, it was *weird,*" Cindy said in a hoarse voice, pushing herself 
up on one elbow.  "I was cataloguing, and everything was fine.  And 
then I hit this theory about Dumbledore masterminding Voldemort's 
return, and Voldemort feeding Harry a load of misinformation.  And I 
had this powerful feeling to just go toward the light -– the light 
streaming from an especially banged-up kitchen appliance. And 
everyone started *arguing,* and there was this Wolf snapping at 
everyone, and then everything went dark."

"Well, that's it then," George said, pushing Cindy back down onto 
the gurney.  "If you keep cataloguing, the next time you might not 
be so lucky -– and it will finish you for sure."

"No," Cindy said weakly, struggling to sit up and swinging her legs 
over the edge of the gurney.  "No, I *must* do another message 
block.  We're almost finished with this catalogue.  I'll be all 
right.  The next message block won't have any MAGICDISHWASHER in 
it.  It's perfectly safe."

"You don't know that!"

"It's worth the risk.  You have to discharge me and sign me up for 
more cataloguing!"

"I'm doing this against my better judgment," George warned.  

"Er, what better judgment would that be?"

"GET OUT BEFORE I THROW YOU OUT!"

"Boy," Cindy muttered as she shrugged on her jacket and picked up a 
new message block.  "They don't teach these new doctors *anything* 
about bedside manners these days."

*******************

Yes.  Well.  Right.   The December Progress Report.

Actually, the news is much better than you might expect.  We 
completed three new message blocks, for a total of 2355 messages 
catalogued in December.  When added to our November totals, we have 
now completed 10,132 messages out of the 21,000 we set out to do.  
That means we are about 48% finished.

<waits for pained groans and moans of despair to die down>

Hey, hey, don't groan like that!  We just finished the exam period 
and the holidays.  Many of us had houseguests or were houseguests, 
and many of us had gifts to buy.  The stores were crowded, the lines 
were long, the traffic was horrible, and there just wasn't much time 
to snuggle up to our computers.

But now it is January.  The sky is grey.  The wind is howling.  
There is *nothing* to do.  Except catalogue, that is.

So there is only one thing to do when it is time to motivate folks 
to dig down deep and part with something you desperately want from 
them -– their time.  I'll bet you all know what is coming . . . 

*A Pledge Drive!*

That's right, the FAQ list's Inaugural Pledge Drive!  We'll all 
commit publicly to finish a certain number of messages in the 
remaining days of January!  Oh, imagine the camaraderie as we all 
stare at our computers, frantically cataloguing messages, watching 
the pages of our desk calendars turn relentlessly!  And before you 
know it, it will be February 1, 2003, the date we set off for the 
completion of the cataloging!  And then we'll start *writing* FAQs!

OK, I will go first.  In January, I will catalogue *1000* additional 
messages!

<waits for excited murmuring to die down>

Who's next?  One at a time, folks, one at a time.  Don't everyone 
try to go at once!  ;-)

Cindy