minor rant ..(TBay with recipes)

[carolynwhite2]

The catalogue office was based in an old turn-of-the-century building 
perched high above the sweeping cove of Theory Bay. From its windows 
there was an uninterrupted view of the crowded harbour, The George, 
and on the opposite side of the bay, the blacked out windows and 
barricaded doors of the Safe House. A steep path led directly down to 
the beach and a private jetty, where the dull grey hull of an ex-navy 
reconnaisance vessel bobbed sinisterly on the morning tide, its 
sleepless radar constantly turning.

It was 10am and people were slowly straggling in to work, but before 
the harrassed chief editor could even get her coat off, there was a 
noise on the stairs and she realised that she was not the first 
person in the office today.

An ageing, disreputable and extremely angry man wearing a horrible 
Crimplene suit, and with a drooling child clamped to his leg, burst 
into the room and thrust a piece of paper in her face. Screwing up 
her nose at the pong, and wondering just when he left the pub last 
night, she peered at it ..her heart sank. Even without her glasses 
she could make out the word `TWIT' scrawled in capital letters all 
over his neatly-typed memo.

`So, you think you can insult me, do you, harpie?' Kneasy began (for 
it was he)
 `I, the last bastion of cynicism and common sense.. I, 
the last defender of conspiracy theory.. I
.' his voice sank to an 
evil hiss
 `I
.'

It was essential to head him off before he really got into his 
stride. Sighing, she started to gabble the well-worn phrases:

`Master, Master..I have done wrong..I am not worthy to kiss the hem 
of your cloak..'

It was no good, the famous lip started to curl in contempt
.this 
morning she was going to be Crucioed for sure, before the last wounds 
had even started to heal
but then the front door banged open in the 
nick of time.

Anne breezed in, smiling serenely. `Just look who I've found playing 
on the beach', she said brightly. Three uncertain teenagers hovered 
behind her, accompanied by a red-haired woman, dressed unsuitably in 
a virginal white summer dress. 

`They were all just so thrilled to have been understood at last' said 
Anne.. `and I thought they should come along and meet Barry and say 
thank you'. Her smile faltered somewhat at the expression on his 
face, which would have curdled milk at a hundred yards. 

`We had to write an essay about our hero at school, Mr Arrowsmith, 
and I wrote about you' said Ron, beaming up at him trustingly.

Chuckling evilly, Carolyn looked Kneasy in the eye and commented:

`Discretion is the better part of valour, don'tcha think
? The deal 
is you get back upstairs and do something useful whilst I get rid of 
this lot, ok?'

There was a tense moment...then Kneasy turned and started stomping 
back up to his attic office, carelessly banging the head of SnapeSon 
against the wall as he went. The mothers in the office all pursed 
their lips, but wisely realised this wasn't the moment to start a 
child abuse thread. Someone opened a window.

`Now'
began Carolyn..but they had another visitor. A flustered and 
indignant woman of indeterminate age, who still imagined she looked 
good in a gymslip and stiletto heels pushed her way into the office.

`How could you bring these children in here!' she shrieked at Anne, 
who looked rather taken aback.
`What were you playing at, allowing this ?' she demanded of the woman 
in white, who had been absent-mindedly fixing her make up. Lily cast 
a bored glance at her son Harry, and started checking her text 
messages.

`Don't you understand that their characterisation could have been 
ruined by exposure to Unbelievers?' Faith (for it was she) glared 
round the office accusingly. A girl called Eva in the Belgian section 
hastily tucked her new Featherboa out of sight. 

`Riddikulus!' snapped Carolyn, opening the door.

Faith hustled all the visitors out of the office and tottered back 
down the hill towards a waiting bus, who would take them all back to 
the safety of JKRowling.com. More than once her stilettos got stuck 
in the mud and she fell, exposing very uninteresting amounts of thigh.

`Now..' said Carolyn again, with menace
 `who exactly put that memo 
on Kneasy's desk last night ?'

Potioncat pretended to look busy, but in vain. 

`Thought it would be amusing to come in and find me fighting for my 
life this morning, did you..well, your punishment is to take up his 
morning coffee
by yourself!'

Potioncat blanched. `But no one, no one dares enter his office
' she 
stuttered. And it was true. Quantities of green, purple and red ink, 
piles of books and reams of paper were carried up there; indeed they 
accounted for most of the catalogue group's meagre budget. But no one 
was allowed in
.ever.

`The only thing that might save you' said Carolyn, `is if you prepare 
this recipe* to the letter, carry it with care to his door, and 
proffer the cake on a pitchfork. Just maybe his sweet tooth will give 
you a few precious seconds to get back down the stairs unhurt -'.

Presently, a glorious smell of baking pervaded the office. Later, a 
frightened but alive Potioncat tumbled back down the stairs. The 
office waited. At last, the staccato sound of a clumsy, two-fingered 
typist resumed from the top of the building, and puffs of evil green 
and black smoke rose in choking clouds from the chimneys. Everyone 
relaxed. It seemed things were back to normal.


*TORTA AL CIOCCOLATO
Not to be eaten by anyone with an incipient heart condition, but 
otherwise excellent to cure HP-induced burn out.

150g (6oz) whole, skinned almonds
1 brioche (or 4 little breakfast ones)
300g (12oz) fine dark chocolate 
150g (6oz) unsalted butter
150g (6oz) caster sugar
150g (6oz) mascarpone cheese
4 eggs
Quarter tsp real vanilla essence

Blast the almonds and brioche together in a food-processor until they 
are reduced to rough crumbs. 
Prepare a baking tin by greasing the sides with butter, then 
sprinkling on some of the above mixture until well-coated.
Melt the chocolate in a bowl over boiling water.
Cream butter and sugar together in another bowl. Add eggs, vanilla 
essence, chocolate, rest of brioche/nut mixture and mascarpone. Mix 
well, pour into prepared pan.
Bake at 180C for about 40 minutes and leave to cool for 15min before 
turning out. It makes a very flat cake, which hardly rises and often 
cracks.
Serve warm or cold with crème fraiche.