[HPFGU-Catalogue] Re: minor rant ..(TBay with recipes)

[Barry Arrowsmith]

"Cake? Cake? Is this  some sort of joke?"

Kneasy  was not a happy bunny and the whole world would know of it. 
Steam (of an interesting sort of pale pistachio tint and nicely 
complementing the cheese dip on his shirt front) vented gently from his 
ears.

"Is  that all I'm worth? Bloody cake? Where's the virgins with the 
educated hands and the almond oil?  Where's the heiress with the 
brewery? And where's the cup made from a skull brimming full with the 
blood of me enemies?"

He crouched behind his desk, shielded by the impregnable might of the 
iMac!Spell-checker ("Must  teach it real English one of these days" he 
mused irritably), flicking fag-ash hither and yon from a scruffy 
roll-up.

"Twit, is it?" He smiled cruelly  as he contemplated the collection of 
shrunken heads,  each carefully labelled - "Forgot to stir me  tea"  
read one; "Pointed out grammatikul error" said another; "Liked Sirius" 
read a  third.

"Always  room for a few more. Them'us dies'll be the lucky ones. Wait 
'till they turn up on TBAY with cellullite, zits and Donny  Osmond 
badges - then we'll see who's laughin'."

He glanced down at Snape!Son, who  gave him a  gummy smile and  started 
new excavations in his left nostril.

"And those bloody kids! Got no idea! Lower me standards - just once! - 
let  their malformed, degenerate, stunted, two-dimensional so-called 
characters pollute me keyboard and look what happens. All  over yer 
like a rash. Some illiterate runt  from  the Weasley litter starts 
sucking up 'cos he's hoping to get his own series. Ha!"

The Kneasy digits flexed, straying towards the keyboard, itching to 
pound further perverse interpretations of canon. Somewhere out there 
was a care-free Fluffy with dreams of happy ever after and pink SHIPS 
covered with hearts. "We'll  see about that -  later. But that can 
wait; first there were some scores to settle." The deathless prose 
flowed.....

"The desk blotter, heavily festooned with "CW loves GWB" graffiti and 
weighted down on one corner by the thesis that would prove her worth as 
a scholar - "Barbara Cartland - paradigms for a new feminine role model 
- an exegesis" was pushed to one side...."

Kneasy smiled. Yes!