TBAY: Starting Fresh

[Jen Reese]

It was worse than Jen expected. Not only was Ms. Havisham, well, a 
bit on the tipsy side at mid-afternoon, she was also brandishing a 
*pistol*, an ominous looking weapon with a recently broken safety 
from the looks of it.

'Right you 'orrible little cataloguer..just where do you think 
you've been?' 'How do you expect me to manage in here? Just with 
Ginger, Debbie and Potioncat??' 

'Erm, yes, well you *see*....Jen trailed off and peered at the other 
cataloguers, hoping one would come to her rescue, but they appeared 
to be avoiding her eyes and nodding feverishly. Ginger even 
increased her speed, a mathmatical impossibility. Jen realized she 
wasn't the only one who was threatened with a firearm recently.

Jen licked her lips and tried to speak again, her voice raspy and 
uncertain, 'Well, what with one thing or another ...end of school 
looming ahead..' her words trail away uselessly..

'ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER?' Miss Havisham's voice rises to a 
dangerous shriek. 'ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER!! I'LL GIVE YOU ONE THING 
AFTER ANOTHER'...she grabs Jen firmly by the ear and hauls her into 
her office.

'Ow, ow, OOOOOOOOOW!! Jen howled uselessly, "This is a 
violation....office harassment...Amnesty International will be 
charging in here any minute, just you wait...' Jen looked up from 
her crouched position, noticing the state of Ms. Havisham's office 
for the first time. It was truly the most pitiful sight she'd seen 
since visiting Hagrid's hut. True there were no dead 
animals....well, at least Jen didn't think so, but you couldn't see 
much of the floor or walls given the copious amount of paper and 
burnt Howlers from god only knows who. Ms. Havisham had made a few 
enemies along the way, given her, er, *delicate* constituion.

Jen woke up from the reverie, spittle hitting her full-force in the 
face; The delirious editor-in-chief was but a few caustic inches 
away. 

Ms. Havisham's face twisted into a brief and nasty smile before she 
turned and glared at the remnants of the team, now peering timidly 
in through the door. She grabbed a bulging file from her desk 
labelled 'Pathetic Excuses' in some kind of dark red 
substance. 'Just look at all this rubbish' she spluttered: 
'My husband's forgotten who I am..' 
'my children need me..' 
'I used to have a job and a career...' 
'my computer doesn't work properly anymore..' 
'I can't find a pen ...' 
'Fluffy ate my homework..'
'I am awaiting trial for homicide..' 
'I told you, sod off..'

Jen idly wondered who was awaiting trial for homicide, but gave up 
when she realized any of a number of cataloguers could fill the 
bill. The other excuses were certainly too namby-pamby for Ms. 
Havisham, who hoped for rain during children's Easter egg hunts and 
supposedly requested Parliment to end Christmas holidays due to lost 
productivity. Only the offing of Molly Weasley or slaving away on an 
adddendum to Magic Dishwasher would be a sufficient reason to put 
aside coding and reviewing for even one lousy day.

'Wait a minute..' says Jen, eyes suddenly wide with horror. 
She grabs the file and turns over the old woman's hand. Barely 
healed and still oozing blood are etched the words 'I think, 
therefore I annoy'.'It's nothing,' said Miss Havisham 
hastily. 'There's no one left for him to argue with at the moment, 
makes him a bit fractious that's all...at least he's never dull'. 

The oozing blood gave Jen the ballast she needed at the 
moment. 'Well, what are we going to do?' said Jen, seeing the need 
to take charge of the situation. 'OK, OK, I'm thinking we just need 
a goal, that's all!! That's what we do here in America when 
production lags. Mission statements! Philosophies! Say we decide to 
launch this thing when we get up to the posts for OOTP? We'll have 
something to shoot for. A DEADLINE, that's what we need. Coders will 
come out of the closet, taking batches of coding right and left to 
meet our productivity expectations! 

Maybe, just maybe, You-Know-Who' Jen glances up at the top of the 
stairs, 'Maybe he'll come back. In a good way, I mean.' Jen said 
softly, noticing Ms. Havisham wince from the movement of her blood-
stained hand. 

Ms. Havisham cackled at the innocent before her. 'Oh no,' said Miss 
Havisham softly. 'I have a much better idea. I am going to promote 
you all..give you management positions...put you in 
charge...'A new era.. a new dawn in this organisation's history. I'm 
inverting the pyramid and creating a horizontally-integrated 
empowered learning network of knowledge-workers that will work from 
the ground upwards to support our delighted, loyal end-user 
customers of our fully-featured new solution platform..'

Jen stared in fascination as managment gobbledygook streamed from 
Carolyn Havisham's mouth. 'Does that mean more work?' Jen wondered 
aloud before catching herself. Carolyn turned to stare at her with 
ferocious eyes and a quivering mouth. 'And just what in the *hell* 
are you doing here wasting my time? Why aren't you coding, 
reviewing! GET TO YOUR CUPBOARD!!!

With that, Jen scampered back into her cupboard, slammed the door, 
and hoped Ms. Havisham had enough Gordon's for a proper blackout 
before she remembered she'd hit her stride and then some.