[HPFGU-OTChatter] Changing your looks

[Amber]

--- Amy Z <aiz24 at hotmail.com> wrote:
> Appearance is almost entirely for other people, and the pressure not
> to look a certain way comes from the fact that the people around you
> don't like that kind of look.  If people regularly told you you
> looked gorgeous without your changing a thing about your looks, would
> you feel the inclination to? 

Maybe yes, maybe no. I know I would love to die my hair both a mixture
of blond and red. I think this not because people have told me my brown
hair is ugly, or I've gotten no compliments on my hair. I just happen
to think a mix of blond and red would look neat/beautiful and I'd love
to try it. Even if people always told me I was beautiful, I think I
would still do it (I won't ever though because of work...if only I was
still in college!).  In that case, I'd say that I was dying my hair
"for myself".

Now if I *did* dye it and many people said it looked horrible...well,
then I'd probably dye it back to brown after awhile. The situation
changes from myself to conforming to how others think. But I'm one of
those people who worry about what others think of me. I *do* know
people who seem to not care a fig about what others think of them or
their appearence. I've always wondered if that was the absolute truth
on the inside. Of course, I'll never know.

> What we do "for ourselves" has an awful lot to do with what will gain
> us praise and acceptance by others.

I most heartily agree. For example, I *hate* wearing make-up. I've
never liked the feel of it, the ritual of putting on the "mask". But I
put it on every workday because all the women at the office wear
make-up and it's practically an unspoken code. In this case, I'm
wearing it to get acceptance. But sometimes I wear make-up when I see
my mother because if I *don't* she tells me I should put some on. In
that case, it's for praise because she'll tell me how pretty I look
with it on.

I do think there's more of an acceptance factor than a praise factor.
In the workplace, it's always about acceptance and keeping your job. In
public, it's about acceptance and not being ostracized. In private with
friends and family, I think it's more about praise. Your friends and
family (if you got strong ties) will always accept you no matter how
you look. But that doesn't mean they'll praise you. And with the
exception of family, everything is always about acceptance first. You
can get friends if they don't accept you.

> Amy Z
> donning asbestos, because I have never found an issue that gets
> people as riled up as this one

Riled up? I have a hard time seeing that happening here, this list
contains some of the most level-headed people I've encounted on email
lists. But if you're worried, you and anyone else who wants to can
climb into my Asbestos-Covered, Flame-Proof Bunker. I had it built
after some Flame Wars on another email list. It's still in good
condition, although I caution you to ignore the scorch marks. In
cyberspace, things can sure get nasty...

~Amber
(Ugh, another rambling, mindless post...somebody take away my
keyboard!)


=====
http://www.the-tabula-rasa.com
Just another crappy homepage...updated 6/12/2001

"DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH."
- N. Gaiman and T. Prachett, "Good Omens"

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