Confessions of a Stepford wife (was Names)

[Amanda Lewanski]

Meredith Wilson wrote:

> My sister wanted to hyphenate, but it seems that in Kentucky you have
> to take your husband's name.

Wow. Wonder if that's still the case? We can choose in Texas, but I
opted to take my husband's name. I considered it a gift. He's the kind
of man who looks beyond the surface and into the underlying messages and
meanings of things (maddening during movies, by the way), and to him,
"good name" still has means just that, his family name and the
connotations of personal honor and integrity associated with it. What an
honor, then, that he thought enough of me to share that good name with
me, that he believed I would guard the honor and integrity of his name
as well as he has.

And to be honest, I like being someone's wife. Publicly. Someone I love
chose me! Forever! I want people to know. Damn straight I'll carry his
name, and go by "Mrs."; my pride in it equals his humility in offering
it. We both wear rings proclaiming that we are spoken for, taken,
possessed, etc. I got to do more.

And no, all you people doubting my sanity or self-identity at this
point, I'm not an idiot. Today's realities are real, after all--I have
my own "credit identity" and all that. The point is that I hardly ever
hear anyone speaking about taking their husband's name as anything but
an antiquated imposition. I totally understand all the reasons a woman
could want to keep her own name, and I don't have a problem with that at
all, but I wanted to articulate an equally valid, positive way of
looking at the tradition.

By the way, I did what my mother did, what I thought everyone did, and
took my maiden name as my middle name--from Amanda Lee Peters to Amanda
Peters Lewanski. But Jan, un-Texan, had never heard of this convention.
Is it a regionalism? Honest, everyone I know of that took their
husband's name did this. I'm curious.

--Amanda
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