[HPFGU-OTChatter] Dating/Marriage

[Horst or Rebecca J. Bohner]

> Wow. Honestly, this amazes me. I couldn't imagine at the ages of 18,
> 19, 20 finding my life companion. Perhaps that's because I didn't have
> a clue who *I* was at that age. Hell, I *still* have no clue who I am.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties I always thought of myself as
being mature for my age (certainly I wasn't half as silly as the other girls
I knew, where guys were concerned!  Or so I imagined), and was often told
that I was mature by others.  However, when I look back at myself then, I am
*so* thankful that I didn't get romantically involved with anybody at that
point!  I still had a lot of learning and growing to do before I was truly
ready to get into a relationship.

There are certainly exceptions to every rule, but I feel that most people
ought to wait longer than they do to get married.  Knowing who you are and
what you're really looking for in a life partner certainly solves a *lot* of
problems... and I really don't think most people in their teens and early
twenties really know that much about who they are or what they ought to be
looking for.

> Question to all: Did you know right away that you had met the "Person
> of Your Dreams"? How long before you knew?

The first time I saw my husband at a social gathering, I thought he was
intriguing-looking and somewhat attractive, but we never spoke to each other
that day and he doesn't even remember me being there.  That was in the
spring of 1994.  The first time he remembers noticing and being attracted to
me, I was singing at an open-air concert in the summer of that same year,
and didn't know that *he* was there!  Not until I moved to the same city in
1996, and began attending the same church as he did, did we get the chance
to get to know each other... but by then I was interested in another guy
(who considered me a friend, but that was all), and was too busy fretting
about him and hoping he'd change his mind about me to even think about
anybody else.

So, Horst and I were simply friends and worked together on various church
projects for a year or so.  Eventually, however, I realized how stupid I was
being over the other guy.  After all, not only had he made it quite plain he
wasn't interested, but really he was nowhere near as cool as Horst.  So then
I moped about Horst for a few months, wondering if he liked me or whether
this was going to be yet another case of unrequited interest on my part.

Fortunately, it didn't take that long before Horst and I finally got our act
together and realized we were -- wonder of wonders-- mutually interested.
We started courting on September 26, 1997, were unofficially engaged in
November of that same year, announced our engagement publicly in April 1998,
and were married on September 26, 1998.  So although it took us quite a
while to figure out we were interested in each other, we sure didn't waste
any time once we found out.  :)

I was 28 at the time we married, and Horst was 25.  I had never imagined I
would marry a man 3.5 years younger than myself -- I'd always expected to
marry someone much older.  But that was before I learned that its maturity,
not chronology, that counts.

All of which is a very long and roundabout way of saying that no, I did not
know right away that Horst was "the one", nor did he know that right away
about me.  But we are certainly very well suited to each other and I
couldn't wish for a better husband or a happier marriage.
--
Rebecca J. Bohner
rebeccaj at pobox.com
http://home.golden.net/~rebeccaj