"Alternative Arrangements" (a list of non-serious SHIPs)

[judyserenity]

Well, I'm afraid I have trouble getting into the many "shipping" 
discussions on the main HPFGU forum.  I think my problem is that the 
same possible pairs get discussed again and again.  So, in the 
interest of spicing things up a bit, I thought I'd propose some, umm, 
more "creative" possibilities:

Ginny gets tired of waiting for Harry's affections, and while Harry is 
visiting at the Burrow, she slips him a "moste potente" love potion.  
Unfortunately, the first woman Harry sees after drinking the potion is 
Mrs. Weasley.  She and Harry run off together.   Ginny is despondent, 
but eventually finds comfort in the arms of fellow cat-fancier Argus 
Filch.  Arthur Weasley accepts his loss philosophically.  He enters 
into an arranged marriage with a female goblin from Gringotts' Bank, 
thus finally ending his money troubles. 

Hermione and Krum break up, due to the demands of Krum's Quidditch 
career.  However, the relationship makes Hermione realize she that she 
is attracted to the strong, silent, scowling, type.  She marries 
Gregory Goyle.  They raise a brood of brats who are big, brawny, *and* 
brainy. 

Sirius Black transforms into a dog, and, not knowing Harry has run off 
with Mrs. Weasley, he heads to the Dursleys' house to check on Harry. 
 Aunt Marge is visiting and Sirius falls in love with her favorite 
dog, Ripper. Marge throws Ripper out for associating with a mongrel, 
but Ripper doesn't care as she and Sirius scrounge happily together.  

Voldemort uses the Imperiatus Curse to turn Lucius into his love 
slave.  Alas, Lucius's imperio-induced bliss ends prematurely when 
Nagini gets jealous and eats him. 

One Christmas Eve, Snape's whole outlook on life is changed when he is 
visited by the ghosts of DADA professors past, present, and future.   
He sends an owl to Remus Lupin, with an apology and an invitation to 
Christmas dinner. He and Lupin develop a friendship, which blossoms 
into love.  But, one fateful month they get so carried away with 
passion that Lupin forgets to take his Wolfbane potion.  Lupin gives 
Snape a "love bite", but it all turns out for the best as Snape and 
Lupin frolic in the moonlit woods together each month.  Snape muses on 
all those years he spent alone.  "Why didn't I just let Remus bite me 
when we were 16?" he wonders.

Dumbledore finally gives into the prodding of his brother, Aberforth, 
and reluctantly agrees to accompany him on a double-date.  
Fortunately, Madame Pomfrey doesn't ask any questions when he later 
requires treatment for hoof-and-mouth, as well as anthrax. 

While in rat form, Peter Pettigrew is "swept away" by Hedwig, who 
finds him irresistibly delicious.

After dating many, many, many human boys, Fleur finally realizes that 
only another part-human can truly understand her. She turns on the 
charm for Hagrid.  Their children turn out huge and hairy, but get 
lots of dates anyway. 

With Hagrid no longer available, Madame Maxime must face the fact that 
she is just too much woman for any one man to handle.  She proposes to 
both Fred and George Weasley, who accept. 

Percy Weasley marries his job. 

Ron Weasley develops intense feelings of rejection, due to his 
experience with the Yule Ball.  However, he decides that the real 
problem is a shortage of females in the wizarding world. He borrows 
some of Fleur's hair, and uses it to polyjuice himself into her every 
Saturday night.  He discovers that blondes really do have more fun!

Bill Weasley dates an Egyptian girl, but she leaves him because he is 
too much of a "mummy's boy." 

Charlie Weasley gives up dating after "getting burned" one time too 
many. 

True loves triumphs over Muggle/Wizard antipathies, and Pansy 
Parkinson marries Dudley Dursley.  Pansy gives birth to several 
pug-faced, pig-bodied bullies. 

While investigating the Ministry of Magic, Rita Skeeter finds a 
kindred spirit in Cornelius Fudge.  They marry, and Rita gives up her 
journalism career in order to stay home and raise the larva. 

Millicent Balustrude discovers her true calling as a dominatrix.  She 
enters into a mutually satisfying, but purely physical, relationship 
with Neville Longbottom. 

In a small, private ceremony, Crookshanks marries Mrs. Norris, whose 
divorce has finally come through. 

-- Judy