Partner suitability (would be SHIP on main list)

[cindysphynx]

David wrote:


> The question of whether Ron would be 'good for' or 'suited to' 
> Hermione comes up fairly frequently on the main list.  It always 
> bothers me.
> 
> Perhaps I am pessimistic, but I think the best you can ever do is 
>get 
> someone who will be committed to you.  

I think I agree and disagree.  :-)

I'm not particularly romantic by nature, so that part of me agrees 
with David wholeheartedly.  Perhaps I am even more of a pessimist 
because I think picking a partner also involves an exercise in 
character assessment that a lot of people don't do very well.  In 
other words, if you wouldn't pick someone as a business partner, or 
if you wouldn't co-sign a loan for them, then they are not going to 
be a very good match.  So I guess there are elements of commitment, 
but there are practical elements of whether the person has character.

The part I disagree about, though, is whether it is possible to say 
whether someone is good for someone or suited to them.  It must be 
possible, because there are certainly times when it is clear that the 
opposite is true:  that someone is clearly *not* suited to someone.  

On balance, though, I think when people say someone is not good for 
someone or suited to them they really mean whether one person brings 
out the best in another person.  I've been in relationships in which 
the other person helped turn me into a raving lunatic, but I've been 
in one relationship in which I felt like I was a better person 
because of it.  I married that guy.

Cindy (trying to figure out a way to explain these things to her 
daughters so they will not bring home knuckleheaded men)




If you don't have that, things 
> like an amenable character or intellectual compatibility are not 
> worth very much.  If you do have it, then they might be nice, but 
my 
> belief is that over time pretty well any two people who are 
partners 
> will find things deeply rooted in their personalities that, when 
they 
> come to light, will make them question very seriously whether their 
> relationship is the biggest mistake they made in their lives.
> 
> So I just don't believe you can say two people are suited or good 
for 
> one another by virtue of their talents or even their personalities.
> 
> I think I must be a bit of a Dumbledorean -  suppose I am saying 
that 
> your choices in the (inevitable) difficult times are what count, 
and 
> the most important thing to assess in a potential partner is how 
you 
> think they will choose: for you or for something else.
> 
> David