Sexism -- is division of labor the key?

[jenny_ravenclaw]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at y..., "judyserenity" <judyshapiro at e...> wrote:

> My concern is that if one woman leaves an abusive man, he's just 
going to look for a new woman to abuse.  And if that woman leaves, 
there will be nothing stopping him from trying to find a third woman 
to abuse. Solving the problem of abuse requires sanctions on abusers 
(which could be social disapproval, jail, or various other things.)  
Saying, "The victim should leave" doesn't fix the underlying problem.> 

This is an enormous topic and I've been reading everyone's comments 
with avid interest.  I don't think I am nearly as eloquent as most of 
the people posting on this topic so I've been reading, not writing.  
This paragraph, however, jumped out at me and raised my feminist 
hackles so I had to jump in.  I think Judy's comments here were right 
on, but I wanted to add some of my own.

In our society (and probably in many others, but I can't really 
comment on societies I am not familiar with), women are constantly 
blamed for things that are not their fault: what few reported rapes 
end up in trial often end up with the woman's sexual history being 
questioned and the accuser walking free.  Women are expected to know 
how to defend themselves and to simply walk away from abusers in 
domestic situations.  Boy, does this make me angry!  Aside from a need 
for harsher sentences for abusers (men who murder their 
partners/spouses often serve just a few years in jail, while women who 
kill their partners/spouses *in self defense* often are sentenced to 
many years in jail), men simply need to be better educated on how to 
treat women.  

When I was in college, a police woman came to my school to talk to a 
group I was a part of about rape.  She spent all of her energies on 
how we women should avoid walking alone at night, how we should watch 
what we wear, etc.  While I am not saying that I should walk around my 
neighborhood (Harlem) at 2 in the morning in a mini skirt and tank top 
with no bra and expect no one to bother me, I was furious with this 
woman for not addressing some of the things men could do to avoid rape 
and abuse.  Women cannot, IMO, stop rape; men can.

Many men are raised to believe they are invincible, while many women 
are raised to believe that they are worthless without a husband.  My 
students truly believe that it's okay for men to be promiscuous but 
women who are promiscuous are whores.  Women shouldn't cheat on their 
partners, but they should expect and allow their male partners to 
cheat on them.  Where is this being learned?  It is being learned at 
home, and in the media (which is pretty damned powerful in the US).  

Hatred of women is so deeply rooted in our society and comes out so 
subtly (much like racism), that we are only scratching the surface 
with our discussion here.

--jenny from ravenclaw ****************