Bullying

[macloudt]

Jennifer wrote:

> >>  How odd.  Why would one *want* to be friends with a bully?  Did 
they
> >>  gang up on other kids together?  :(>

Jenny from Ravenclaw replied:

> >Neither my boyfriend nor his brother
> >are now or ever were bullies.

To which Jennifer pondered:
 
> So why would one of them want to become _friends_ with one?  That 
> leads me to suspect something else was going on - the "pecking 
order" 
> culture, or something like it - rather than bullying.
> 
<snip>
> 
> I'm sorry; I meant no offense.  I was just *shocked* that anyone 
who 
> had actually been peer-abused would (a) want and (b) be able to 
form 
> a real friendship with the abuser.  On a personal level, I could 
> never have become friends with any of the bullies who bothered me, 
my 
> brother, or the other "easy targets" - I could never have respected 
> them.

I just wanted to point out that a good friend of mine is in the same 
situation.  He was bullied by a bigger kid at school, but when Matt 
(my friend) got older and discovered he was bigger than the bully, 
Matt took the opportunity to beat the crap out of him.  Now the ex-
bully is one of his best friends.  I don't know much more behind the 
story, but from what I gather the ex-bully *respected* Matt for 
standing up to himself.  Also, Matt's very easy-going and thick-
skinned, so I assume that he doesn't hold a grudge and therefore has 
no long-term negative feelings about the situation.  Also these men 
grew up in a not-desirable (to put it mildly) neighbourhood in 
Bristol, so the same rules for respect that Jenny from Ravenclaw's 
students follow probably applied (pure speculation on my part, mind).

On the opposite social scale, I attended a public school in a posh-
knob Toronto neighbourhood for two years where I was mentally bullied 
to the point that I changed high schools.  If I'd had then the self-
confidence I have now I could have easily shot the little jerk down 
with just a couple of comments and he would have moved on to someone 
else (or stopped altogether, who knows?), but I was far too 
withdrawn.  To my knowledge there was no physical bullying, but 
several of us were victims of mental and emotional bullying.  Unlike 
Catherine, I did well by changing high schools.  I met my dearest 
friend there and had a fabulous 2 years.  My self-confidence shot up 
and had far too much fun to do homework or attend classes.

As an aside, two years after I left my bullying high school I heard 
through the grape vine that my ex-bully was horribly addicted to 
cocaine.  And I have to admit that a little voice in the back of my 
mind whispered "serves you right".  Not mature, but there you have it.

It seems to me that there is more physical bullying now than there 
was 20-odd years ago.  When I went back to my last old high school a 
few years after graduating the school secretary told me that it was 
far worse than before, so she confirmed my suspicions in one case.  
How about everyone else?  Is my old school the exception, or *does* 
physical bullying seem to be on the rise?  Shaun, what do your 
statistics say?

Mary Ann
(who's going to be late for work if she doesn't sign off)