[HPFGU-OTChatter] Re: Bullying

[Jennifer Boggess Ramon]

At 12:58 PM +0000 7/26/02, jenny_ravenclaw wrote:
>--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at y..., Jennifer Boggess Ramon <boggles at e...>
>wrote:
>
>>  How odd.  Why would one *want* to be friends with a bully?  Did they
>>  gang up on other kids together?  :(>
>
>Is that supposed to be funny?

Not in the least; it was an honest question.

>Neither my boyfriend nor his brother
>are now or ever were bullies.

So why would one of them want to become _friends_ with one?  That 
leads me to suspect something else was going on - the "pecking order" 
culture, or something like it - rather than bullying.

>That comment was pretty inappropriate.

I'm sorry; I meant no offense.  I was just *shocked* that anyone who 
had actually been peer-abused would (a) want and (b) be able to form 
a real friendship with the abuser.  On a personal level, I could 
never have become friends with any of the bullies who bothered me, my 
brother, or the other "easy targets" - I could never have respected 
them.

>It is interesting to me that you keep referring to schools, because
>for my students, bullying can take place anywhere: on their block, the
>corner where everyone hangs out, the local playground, the pools in
>the summer, and school.

Most of the literature, and most of my experience, is school-centered 
- bullying at school, on the grounds, on the bus, waiting for the 
bus, or on the way home from the bus.  That's not to say it doesn't 
or can't happen elsewhere - obviously and unfortunately, it does - 
but that's where most of it has happened in my experience, and where 
all the studies about it I've read have focused.

>My school is also unusual in that students who fight are expelled on
>the spot.

Wouldn't that, then, be a major strike _against_ the "punch him back" option?

>I think mediation, conflict resolution
>and anger management should be a part of all school curricula (is that
>the plural?) from elementary school on.

That's actually one of the major strategies that the Frieds 
recommend.  Our school district has a volunteer peer-mediation 
program, but the way it's set up, it strikes me as a case of too 
little, too late.

>I've heard too many stories of teachers who
>turn their heads the other way

This surprises me every time I see it in my colleagues; one would 
think they'd intervene, if not for the victim's sake, at least so 
they don't get sued later!

>and parents who say "my child would
>never do that!".

Yes, NMKS (Not My Kid Syndrome) is a big problem here, too - when we 
can get hold of the parents at all . . .

>Then we've all heard the parents, teachers or
>administrators who say the infuriating "boys will be boys/kids will be
>kids".

I haven't heard this as much, but that may be because the majority of 
the cases I've been personally involved with have been all-girl or 
mixed-gender.  I agree that it's a deeply unintelligent attitude, 
especially for an administrator.

-- 
  - Boggles, aka J. C. B. Ramon			boggles at earthlink.net
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