[HPFGU-OTChatter] Re: Gifted Children, stage parents, and leftover siblings

[Mary Jennings]

The wonderful, level-headed Cindy wrote:

>Do "all parents" demand that their children accomplish Great Things
>that the parents can brag about?
>
>Well, I don't know everything, but I know that the answer to that
>question is "No."  "All" parents do not do this.  Bent parents do
>this.
>
>Some of us genuinely want our kids to find their way in the world
>and grow up happy and well-adjusted.  We are pleased when they do
>well in something, true.  But it isn't always about bragging
>rights.  It is the hope that the child's success in Whatever-It-Is
>that they are doing well will lead them to be happy and well-
>adjusted as opposed to confused and riddled with self-doubt.
>There's also the fact that a child's success in something often (but
>not always) causes the child to be happy, if even for a short time.
>And seeing your child happy is a bit of a rush, I must admit.
>
>Besides, bragging about the accomplishments of the fruit of one's
>loins is kinda tacky.  ;-)

Well said!  I was going to write a similar reply, but didn't get the chance. 
  Yes, there *are* bragging parents out there--waaaaayy to many, in 
fact---but please don't label *all* parents as braggarts who live through 
the accomplishments of their children.  I have many different interests but 
don't excel in any of them, truth be told.  So it wouldn't surprise me if my 
kids turn out the same.  They, too, enjoy doing many different things rather 
than focusing on one thing.  I hated having pressure put on me as a child, 
especially as my youngest brother, who is four years older than me, was a 
brilliant student and I was expected to follow in his footsteps.  
I-don't-think-so!  I had far too many other things I wanted to do to 
concentrate solely on my schoolwork.  And I had the marks to prove it ;)

It is my catty opinion that "stage parents" (those who live through the 
accomplishments of their children) have no identity of their own, and 
therefore no self-worth.  Pressuring children to perform for the benefit of 
the parent in *any* situation is utterly repulsive IMHO.  These parents 
should literally get a life of their own.

I'm curious about the *siblings* of gifted children.  How are they treated?  
How do they cope?  Does your work cover this topic, Shaun?  I'd be very 
interested to hear any opinions or personal experiences.  As I mentioned 
earlier, I have a brother who excelled at high school through studying very 
hard, and I was expected to live up to his level.  The thing is, in non-math 
and non-science subjects I probably could have done as well as Paul, but I 
chose to devote my spare time to other things as well, so the massive effort 
wasn't there.  I was strong enough to resist the criticism from my parents 
and did my own thing.  Paul was the spoiled one of us four kids anyway, so I 
had no time for him.  But my situation just involved a somewhat gifted 
student.  What is the situation like with, say, a pre-teen gifted athlete, 
whose mother is with the gifted child at the skating rink or swimming pool 
every morning and every evening?  What happens to the leftover siblings?

Just my Monday morning rambling!

Mary Ann
(mediocre piano player, sewer, Guide helper, knitter, domestic goddess, 
student, and many other things!)

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