[HPFGU-OTChatter] Fw: Texas Facts

[Jennifer Boggess Ramon]

At 9:31 PM -0500 5/12/02, Amanda wrote:
>These were fun. I have inserted commentary.

Oh, dear.  And the Houstonian has to comment, too . . .

>  > Possums will eat anything.
>
>Even in suburbia. And they have a nasty bite. And they are luckily totally
>incapable of carrying rabies.

Possums are also incredibly stupid - just barely bright enough to 
figure out how to use a cat door to get into the house, and too dumb 
to remember where it is to get back out again.

>  > Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are
>ripe.

And the tomatoes, and the corn, and pretty much anything in the 
garden.  They have eaten my spearmint this year, and most of the 
peppermint.  They also enjoy terrorizing the possums.

>  > Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
>
>("tree" is a courtesy term, here). True. Not cutting it down, not burning it
>out, not plant killer, nothing. They're permanent.

They will also try to fake you out by _looking_ dead for a year after 
you try and kill them - and then send up little spiky runners again . 
. .

>  > There are valid reasons some people put concertina wire around their
>house.
>
>Can't help you with this one, I've never heard of concertina wire.

It's the stuff that looks like someone took barbed wire a couple steps too far.

>  > All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
>grain, insect or animal.
>
>Let's see. Poteet Strawberry Festival. Noonday Sweet Onion Festival.
>Floresville Peanut Festival. Hah! Wait! The Czilispiel is none of the above!
>Hah! But mostly, this is true.

Doesn't work for the Westheimer Street Festival, either, or any given 
music festival in central Texas, which is more than likely named in 
German.

>  > People actually grow and eat okra.
>
>Not me. Ugh. Okra is a creation of Satan.

It's great if you cook it right, and it's fun to watch it grow 
whether you eat it or not.

>  > Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2.

This is true throughout the Southern US, not just in Texas.

>  > 5. You use 'fixinto' as one word.
>
>Fixinto *is* one word.

And usually pronounced "fixinna".

>  > 16. You know whether another Texan is from east, west, north or south
>Texas as soon as they open their mouth.
>
>Especially if they open it to spit.

Texas is the only state in which the Southern, Western, and 
Midwestern accents are all native, in addition to the state's own 
accent.

>  > 17. You know there is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of
>1000 or more and you  use them as milemarkers for trips.
>
>Yes. I know the distance (in hours/minutes) between DQs on the way to
>Houston and Austin and College Station. Sigh.

There is a joke in one of my local subcultures that you must pass a 
Dairy Queen to get to a gathering of ours.

>  > 18. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as " goin wal-martin"
>or off to "Wally World."
>
>This is not as time-honored as the rest, Wal-Marts are not that old.

I associate this with Oklahoma rather than Texas.

>  > 20. You think eating chili helps to cool you off in hot weather by making
>you sweat.
>
>It does. But I don't like chili.
>
>>  21. You know frito pie isn't a pie, and isn't a dessert, but should be a
>food group.
>
>It isn't?

What are you doing eating Frito pie if you don't like chili?

You know you're at an "alternative" event in Texas if you are offered 
Frito pie made with vegetarian black bean chili and organic blue corn 
chips.

-- 
  - Boggles, aka J. C. B. Ramon			boggles at earthlink.net
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