Underachievers Anonymous (WAS Gifted children)

[cindysphynx]

I think it is high time someone started an organization for those 
who are told they could "achieve" more but, for whatever reason, 
choose not to.  'Cause there are times when we *really* could use 
some support.  ;-)  

Elkins wrote:

> I was always under the impression that "underachiever" meant
> "somebody who has prioritized their values very differently than I 
> have, and in a way that makes me feel upset and threatened."
> 
> Certainly I have been labelled an "underachiever" all of my life,
> and that's always seemed to me to be what the word actually means.


I can relate to this.  Not because I was ever thought to be a 
genius . . . 

<picks self up off the floor, laughing hysterically> 

. . . but because there is a certain choice you can make as an adult 
that will get you labeled as an underachiever every time.  That 
choice is the choice to stop working and stay home with your kids.  

Good grief!  Work colleagues immediately counsel you on the depths 
of the mistake you are making.  Parents want to know why you are 
throwing away all that schooling.  Female friends ask how you can 
bear to be dependent on a *man*.  And everyone, including people who 
have only known you for five minutes, asks, "But aren't you *bored*?

So when I see us fretting that a gifted child might wind up being an 
underachiever, I find myself wondering if this is such a terrible 
thing.  Indeed, I wonder if perhaps we should pay more attention to 
whether the child will wind up being *happy*, regardless of their so-
called achievements.

Shaun wrote (defining underachiever):

> "A person who is not achieving at a particular level, who is known 
>to have both the ability and the desire to achieve at that level."

<snip>

>But there are also some who really do want to achieve - I've spent 
>most of today talking to an 8 year old whose dream (at this point 
>of his life) is to be an engineer. 

<snip explanation of child's frustration at school>

A quick disclaimer up front:  I'm not challenging Shaun's expertise, 
and I haven't read the details of this thread as closely as I 
probably should have.

But I do have to raise my hand timidly and question the view that an 
8-year old would have any idea of whether they want to be an 
engineer.  Achieving anything in life involves a tremendous number 
of sacrifices.  Young children don't get the concept of sacrifice at 
all, in my experience.  So I would be very hesitant to label a 
mathematically advanced 8-year-old as a math underachiever, because 
the child probably has not formed the desire to achieve based on any 
realistic assessment of what it takes to achieve the goal.  Instead, 
the child may simply be identifying a goal because everyone around 
him or her thinks it is very important that the child do this and 
not *waste* all that God-given talent.

In fact, if I were to use Shaun's definition of "underachiever" as a 
starting point, I would say an underachiever is someone who has the 
ability, has the desire, and understands and is willing to make the 
sacrifices needed.

After all, I could be a lawyer at some Big Firm right now.  I have 
the ability (been there, done that) and the desire (it is certainly 
fun, lucrative, the perks are great, and the food is especially 
tasty).  But I'm no longer willing to make the sacrifices required 
to achieve at that level.  Under my definition, I wouldn't be an 
underachiever.  And I don't think that I am.

Cindy (who wonders if Pete Sampras feels like an underachiever at 
the French Open because he has the ability and desire to win that 
tournament but can't seem to get past the first round)