I feel so sad today:((((((

[Mecki]

Hi!

I don't know if it is right to post this here, but I feel so sad, so 
frustrated, so angry and sooo lonely. 

Nobody went to the graveyard...
Nobody called...
Nobody even mentioned her name...

It is as if she died again. Or worse: as if she had never existed!!

Yesterday morning, exactly nine years ago, our oldest daughter, our 
baby ,died.

W I E B K E

Born 21.Sept.1993
Died 22.Sept.1993

Wiebke and her twin-sister Maike where born after only 26 weeks of 
pregnancy. Maike fought over 7 months and finally made it, but Wiebke 
was too ill to fight, even if she was the "bigger and heavier" of the 
two. She died after 10 hours and 13 minutes, leaving my life in pieces

Every single day in the last nine years I missed her so much! 
Don't get me wrong. The time I spent sobbing on my bed all day is long 
over. But every night before I fall asleep, my heart opens towards the 
sky, the tears start running and I can hear myself think "Hello 
darling, here is mummy..."

My friends  (and more frustrating, my relatives too) don't even let me 
mention her. "Well meant"(?!?) advice from so called friends is 
"forget about it" (as if a dead child is some kind of accident or 
disease you can recover from) or "why aren't you just happy about the 
two kids you have". Hey , I am. I love Wiebkes twin-sister Maike and 
their little brother Marten more than anything in the world. But I 
have THREE children. And just because one can't be with me, doesn't 
mean I don't feel as close to her as to the others

With a lot of hard work, I managed to "separate" the twins. We had a 
big birthday- party for Maike on Saturday, and it was really fun. I 
can show Maike how happy I am to have her, without always thinking 
"there should be TWO girls blowing the candles of their birthday- 
cake, TWO girls fighting over their presents etc.(These thoughts came 
at night, the birthday-girl asleep after a happy day, when in my 
"evening-talk" I wished my baby a "happy birthday in heaven").
I can look at my daughter without always thinking. "How would Wiebke 
be". They where identical twins, so I sort of "know" how she would 
look like, but twins are mostly very individual characters, so I don't 
really know her after all.

Saturday was a "happy" day, because of Maike, who survived. But 
yesterday was Wiebkes "death - day", the day I thought at least the 
people belonging to or close to my family could think of the "missing" 
grandchild, niece or "friends oldest daughter". I believe a person is 
only truly dead when he's forgotten, and that they're really sort of 
"letting her die" a second time- through sheer ignorance or 
mindlessness.

Again, I'm not sure if it is right to post this here. All this is not 
your fault, most of you probably didn't even know.
But I had the feeling that I had to. . It feels so good to talk to 
somebody about Wiebke and what she means to me. Letting as many people 
as possible know about her, makes her "live" in the hearts or 
thoughts, and it comforts me.
All this is choking me today. I know from the past years, that 
everything will probably be back to "normal" (whatever that is) in a 
few days, but the "anniversary-days" are always hard to cope with.

My favourite poems:

If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true,
We'd pray to God with all our hearts
For yesterday and you.
A thousand words can't bring you back
We know because we've tried...
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we've cried...
You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too...
But we never wanted memories
We only wanted you.
(unknown)

and

"Childrens´s Footprints

Some children come into our lives and go quickly.
Some children come into our lives and stay awhile
.
All our children come into our lives and leave footprints -
Some oh so small; some a little larger; some larger still

But all have left their footprints on our lives; in our hearts,
and we will never, never be the same. 

(Doreen Sexton)


Light a candle in your window for my little daughter tonight, please. 
And when you look up into the sky, remember:

Every star you see, is a baby looking down on its mother.

Thanks for listening
Sabine (Mecki) with Maike and Marten firmly by the hand, and Wiebke 
deep inside her heart

°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*
 mothers hold their children's hands awhile, 
 and their hearts forever... 
°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*