I feel so sad today:((((((

[pippin_999]

Oh Mecki, I am so sorry you are feeling bad. Many years ago I 
lost my beautiful Jesse. He was born in 1983, too early like your 
Wiebke, and lived only a few days. 

Even though he would be almost grown up now, I still feel sad 
when I think about him. For a long time I remembered him every 
night. My friends and relatives meant well, too. They thought they 
had to be strong and not show their grief, so I was left to think I 
was suffering alone. 

I hope there is someone near you that you can share your 
feelings with. Do you know about Compassionate Friends? It is 
an organization that helps grieving parents. This is the website 
for their affiliate in Germany. 

http://www.veid.de/

and a site for neonatal loss

http://www.engelskinder.de/

I hope they can help you find someone to talk to and cry with 
when you need to.  It really helped me that there were groups like 
this, because my family and friends just got worn out dealing 
with me.

Meanwhile here is a big hug from me. Please email me anytime.

Pippin 

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at y..., "Mecki" <meckelburg at f...> wrote:
> Hi!
> 
> I don't know if it is right to post this here, but I feel so sad,
so 
> frustrated, so angry and sooo lonely. 
> 
> Nobody went to the graveyard...
> Nobody called...
> Nobody even mentioned her name...
> 
> It is as if she died again. Or worse: as if she had never 
existed!!
> 
> Yesterday morning, exactly nine years ago, our oldest 
daughter, our 
> baby ,died.
> 
> W I E B K E
> 
> Born 21.Sept.1993
> Died 22.Sept.1993
> 
> Wiebke and her twin-sister Maike where born after only 26 
weeks of 
> pregnancy. Maike fought over 7 months and finally made it, but 
Wiebke 
> was too ill to fight, even if she was the "bigger and heavier" of 
the 
> two. She died after 10 hours and 13 minutes, leaving my life in 
pieces
> 
> Every single day in the last nine years I missed her so much! 
> Don't get me wrong. The time I spent sobbing on my bed all 
day is long 
> over. But every night before I fall asleep, my heart opens 
towards the 
> sky, the tears start running and I can hear myself think "Hello 
> darling, here is mummy..."
> 
> My friends  (and more frustrating, my relatives too) don't even 
let me 
> mention her. "Well meant"(?!?) advice from so called friends is 
> "forget about it" (as if a dead child is some kind of accident or 
> disease you can recover from) or "why aren't you just happy 
about the 
> two kids you have". Hey , I am. I love Wiebkes twin-sister Maike 
and 
> their little brother Marten more than anything in the world. But I 
> have THREE children. And just because one can't be with me, 
doesn't 
> mean I don't feel as close to her as to the others
> 
> With a lot of hard work, I managed to "separate" the twins. We 
had a 
> big birthday- party for Maike on Saturday, and it was really fun. I 
> can show Maike how happy I am to have her, without always 
thinking 
> "there should be TWO girls blowing the candles of their 
birthday- 
> cake, TWO girls fighting over their presents etc.(These 
thoughts came 
> at night, the birthday-girl asleep after a happy day, when in my 
> "evening-talk" I wished my baby a "happy birthday in heaven").
> I can look at my daughter without always thinking. "How would 
Wiebke 
> be". They where identical twins, so I sort of "know" how she 
would 
> look like, but twins are mostly very individual characters, so I 
don't 
> really know her after all.
> 
> Saturday was a "happy" day, because of Maike, who survived. 
But 
> yesterday was Wiebkes "death - day", the day I thought at least 
the 
> people belonging to or close to my family could think of the 
"missing" 
> grandchild, niece or "friends oldest daughter". I believe a 
person is 
> only truly dead when he's forgotten, and that they're really sort 
of 
> "letting her die" a second time- through sheer ignorance or 
> mindlessness.
> 
> Again, I'm not sure if it is right to post this here. All this is
not 
> your fault, most of you probably didn't even know.
> But I had the feeling that I had to. . It feels so good to talk to 
> somebody about Wiebke and what she means to me. Letting 
as many people 
> as possible know about her, makes her "live" in the hearts or 
> thoughts, and it comforts me.
> All this is choking me today. I know from the past years, that 
> everything will probably be back to "normal" (whatever that is) 
in a 
> few days, but the "anniversary-days" are always hard to cope 
with.
> 
> My favourite poems:
> 
> If we could have a lifetime wish
> A dream that would come true,
> We'd pray to God with all our hearts
> For yesterday and you.
> A thousand words can't bring you back
> We know because we've tried...
> Neither will a thousand tears
> We know because we've cried...
> You left behind our broken hearts
> And happy memories too...
> But we never wanted memories
> We only wanted you.
> (unknown)
> 
> and
> 
> "Childrens€  ´s Footprints
> 
> Some children come into our lives and go quickly.
> Some children come into our lives and stay awhile
> .
> All our children come into our lives and leave footprints -
> Some oh so small; some a little larger; some larger still
> 
> But all have left their footprints on our lives; in our hearts,
> and we will never, never be the same. 
> 
> (Doreen Sexton)
> 
> 
> Light a candle in your window for my little daughter tonight, 
please. 
> And when you look up into the sky, remember:
> 
> Every star you see, is a baby looking down on its mother.
> 
> Thanks for listening
> Sabine (Mecki) with Maike and Marten firmly by the hand, and 
Wiebke 
> deep inside her heart
> 
> €  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  
°*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*
>  mothers hold their children's hands awhile, 
>  and their hearts forever... 
> €  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  
°*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*€  °*