moved from Main List: on not having children

[Kirstini]

I've been following this thread with interest, because I really envy 
women who manage to make either decision and stick to it with no 
regrets(not meaning to make urge/lack of to breed sound like giving 
up smoking or anything). I didn't think I had too much to bring to 
the discussion, as I'm still in my early twenties, and have no 
intention of getting myself sprogged up for a good ten + years yet, 
but Amy's description of herself as a "future breeder" encouraged me 
a little. There's never really been any choice for me. My biological 
workings dictate that I get kiddy-cravings on a monthly basis, 
completely beyond the comprehension of the intellectual part of me 
which has been told that, as I'm trying to make a career for myself 
as an academic, children would be career suicide until I have at 
least a senior lectureship. In fact, a recent article in the 
Education section of the Guardian suggested that women in academia 
should put off having children until approximately 45 in order to 
be "taken seriously" or some such nonsense. 

I also wonder if my mother and Elkins' would rather like to settle 
down with a nice cup of tea some time, as my mum, too, is far more 
interested in my having a sparkling career (in academia? Shurely some 
mishtake?) before I present her with any twinkly-eyed grandpuppies. 
Although I'm in no doubt that both are expected at some point. (I 
begin to feel that my brother, who has recently outed himself not 
only as gay, but as a resolute academic non-achiever and confirmed 
nursing assistant, may have got a slightly better deal out of all 
this. Also he earns more than I do...)

I was also interested in David's point - that society is likely to 
interfere in personal choices of this nature whether or not the 
individual cares to involve it. Starting out at the beginning just 
now, I rather feel as though there are various pre-prescribed "lines" 
to follow, and personal choice is therefore reduced to throwing 
allegiance in with one or the other. I was about to describe myself 
as "at the bottom of the career ladder" there, which I suppose proves 
my point to a certain degree. I have friends who are wandering off 
around the world, unsure when/if they'll return, or what they'll do 
if they do. I have friends who are settling down and marrying right 
now, with no money, no jobs, just lots of love and a shared kitten. 
I feel rather like a lab rat, set on a particular course to prove a 
point, and have a horrible picture of myself in fifteen years time, 
wearing a suit whilst breast-feeding screaming child and marking 
essays, with my hair all gone to pot and no money for shoes (hey, 
these things are important to me). But at the same time, I can't 
bring myself to consider not having children. Bah! Biology. 

That was a rather long-winded way of expressing my envy, I suppose. I 
wonder, does one reach a point where the choice becomes clear? or 
does everything simply muddy up further? I think I know the answer to 
this already.
I suppose reading over this, I didn't really have too much to 
contribute to the discussion after all. I just felt like a gossip. 
Feel a bit better now, oddly.

Kirstini