"Socially Neutral" decisions (WAS: on not having children)

[jenny_ravenclaw]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at yahoogroups.com, "ssk7882" <ssk7882 at y...> 
wrote:

> I think it's that fear, rather than any genuine pragmatic social 
> consideration, that drives people's tendency to want to interfere in 
> others' decisions in this arena, to tell you the truth.  What you 
> have riding on my decision to reproduce is mainly your own sense of 
> validation.>

I agree with you there, but I think it goes even further.  Fear seems 
to be not only a motivation for why people interfere with the lives of 
others, but fear often seems to play a part in why we make decisions 
for ourselves as well.  I know plenty of women who think they are 
*supposed* to be married with children by now (most of my friends and 
I are 33).  They think they are failures if they are single and 
childless.  I even know women who marry the wrong men because they 
fear a better one may never come along.  I'm sure there are men, too, 
who make decisions based on similar thinking. 

Speaking personally, I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years just this 
summer and it was something I should have done several years ago, but 
my own fears of being alone, of hurting him, of possibly making a 
mistake, of facing the disappointment of family all prevented me from 
making that decision earlier.  There was a time when I thought "Yeah, 
he'll be a great dad and I love him so I guess can spend the rest of 
my life with him", but I realized that wasn't enough.  I also thought 
I wanted to have children but as soon as I walked out the door, the 
sheer terror of having them hit me once again, much to the 
disappointment, I'm sure, of my mother, who I think has had some very 
definite plans for my life.

--jenny from ravenclaw *******************************