Children Anyone? (WAS:on not having children)

[ssk7882]

Much thanks to Tammy, for reminding us most eloquently that whether 
or not one has children is very often not a matter of "choice" at 
all.  To be granted the choice in the first place is a luxury of 
sorts, and perhaps we might all do well to remember that while we're 
busy bristling at each other for our biased perceptions of their 
biased perceptions of our "choices." ;-)

Vulgarweed wrote:

> Well, certainly. And many men who do this also (all 
> women in this discussion, I see, and why are WE the 
> only ones whose 'unrealistic fantasies' are an issue? 

Yeah, gruesome isn't it?  Sadly, that's unlikely to change, so long 
as it is accepted that men are not expected to shoulder at least 50% 
of the burden of child-rearing.  And that, in turn, is unlikely to 
change so long as women continue to earn significantly less than 
their male partners.  And that in turn is unlikely to change so long 
as it is accepted that men are not expected to shoulder at least 50% 
of the burden of child-rearing.  And that in turn is unlikely to 
change...

Hey.  Just trying to cheer y'all up, you know.  Carry on. ;-)

> I've been on the other side of the isolation thing for 
> some new-parent friends, I'm afraid.....the problem from 
> the childless side of the fence is that new parents, it 
> seems, can talk about nothing else, and the subject is 
> just not something I'm capable of keeping my attention 
> on for very long, and it's exhausting to try to keep 
> them from noticing how far afield my mind is wandering 
> while they ramble maniacally about tiny fingers and poo. 

Yeah, that really does happen to some people.  But you know, it's 
hardly a phenomenon limited to people with children.  It's all too 
easy for people engaged in something that they find utterly exciting 
and absorbing, and which occupies a great deal of their time and 
mental energy, to find themselves turning into terrible bores.  I 
have a friend who talks a lot about her job.  And I do mean a *lot.*
It's nice that she finds her work so engaging, and sometimes it's 
interesting to hear about, but then there are other times when it, 
well, simply isn't.  I can't deny that some part of me has started 
inwardly groaning whenever she brings the topic up when we're 
together.  

For that matter, when I first joined this list, my friends started 
complaining that I talked about it too much, that it had become my 
sole topic of conversation, and that I was boring them senseless.  
I'm sure that I was, too. ;-)

I think that what makes the phenomenon seem worse when it's, say, 
kids, rather than HPfGU <g> is that because child-rearing is an 
activity which people of the same age range are often undertaking at 
roughly the same time in their lives, it is very often the case that 
an entire circle of friends suddenly *all* want to talk about 
their children, which leaves you the odd man out if it is not a topic 
in which you are yourself invested.

A few years ago, an inordinate number of my friends seemed to be 
buying houses, all at the same time.  Social gatherings became 
absolutely unbearable for a while there. They would talk about 
*shingles,* for Christ's sake!  They would talk about *sewer lines!*  
They would talk about *floor sanding!*  I mean, how unspeakably 
*dull,* how absolutely *banal,* how thoroughly and disgustingly 
MUNDANE can you *GET?*

Yeah, well.  My household is now in the process of buying a house.

And God help us, it has become our one topic of conversation.


Elkins