Children Anyone? (WAS:on not having children)

[vulgarweed]

Pam:
> I think you've misunderstood me here; there was no intent to have a 
dig, but rather to point out that there are many women who are out 
there chasing a lifestyle which may be unrealistic, unattainable, 
unsustainable or all three and who are basing their decisions on those 
fantasies.  That's much different from those who are following a 
particular career path. 

Well, certainly. And many men who do this also (all women in this 
discussion, I see, and why are WE the only ones whose 'unrealistic 
fantasies' are an issue? My partner has fantasies about being a Jedi 
Knight, but at least he has games for that). Both of them might well 
be disappointed--or they might be happy! (I would point out there are 
possibly even more women pursuing a fantasy of the perfect nuclear 
family life, who find themselves _divorced_ and watching lots of TV 
and eating ice cream and being disappointed by their 30s and 40s too.) 
Most of us don't get our fantasies realized exactly the way we want 
'em--but our fantasies always play a role in our *aspirations,* don't 
they?


> Besides, had I ever thought that my children would take care of me 
in my old age, they have thoroughly disabused me of that notion by 
now.  I shudder to think of how they would exact their revenge on me 

They might come around. I'm certainly nowadays getting 
mentally/emotionally prepared to take care of mine if they ever need 
it! (Which I don't think I would've felt 15 years ago)

 It was hard to adapt to a whole new identity; I wasn't a doctor 
anymore...I didn't have any special skill that set me apaprt from the 
crowds.  Sometimes it was hard to feel as though I had something in 
common (besides children) with the other people I met.  I think it 
took about two years to redefine myself and to create a network of 
friends.  It is interesting to me that since I have been home, I have 
met a wider group of people and probably get a better quality of adult 
companionship than I did before.  (Although, the fact that I worked in 
prisons and facilities for the criminally insane probably had some 
impact on the quality of the adult companionship I had at the time.)


Ya think? :)

I've been on the other side of the isolation thing for some new-parent 
friends, I'm afraid.....the problem from the childless side of the 
fence is that new parents, it seems, can talk about nothing else, and 
the subject is just not something I'm capable of keeping my attention 
on for very long, and it's exhausting to try to keep them from 
noticing how far afield my mind is wandering while they ramble 
maniacally about tiny fingers and poo. (So, how 'bout dem Cubs? Not a 
sports fan either, at all, but I've caught myself thinking about the 
big game instead.) I usually try to stay in touch (if not as closely 
as before) and wait for the most intense of it to be over. Letting 
them know I'd like to still be around for them even if we don't share 
this particu