[HPFGU-OTChatter] Bertie Beans, question from a regional group.

[Sushi]

         Lisa wrote:

>Essentially whilst preparing my speciality of marinated tofu last
>night I was struck by a scary thought.
>
>Tofu is natures every flavoured bean. Yes?
>
>   It's an eraser, you marinate it, it's chicken.
>   It's a shredded eraser, you cook with chives and worstershire
>sauce, it's a scrambled egg.
>
>The scary and unavoidable conclusion I have half-formed:
>Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured Beans are a health food based scam to
>subvert the Wizarding World away from their healthy carnivourism to a
>diet of pure soya based protein.


         You know, this is just crazy enough to work.  I mean, how many 
ingredients allow you to use half the package to make a savoury poultry 
replica for dinner, and the other half a vanilla mousse for dessert?  This 
is coming from someone who's eaten as a vegan for seven years now and has 
long since ceased to be amazed at the versatility of tofu.

         Of course, now I'm wondering if those pork chops at the Yule Ball 
were really pork at all.  Could it be that, through the magic of, er, 
magic, house-elves have managed to make a gluten-and-soy-based meat 
substitute indistinguishable from the real thing?


>And Malfoy Snr. is on the board of directors.

         Hear, hear!

         Of course, this brings to mind the question: is this great battle 
of Light vs. Dark really only a war over health food?  Picture it: 
Dumbledore, with his hard-core, right-wing pack of carnivorous devotees (I 
mean, he's got a *werewolf* on his side, how much more carnivorous can you 
get?); Voldemort, with his sly, scheming troupe of underhanded vegetarians 
just looking for another mouth to pack with soy.  Harry's epic choice 
between Gryffindor and Slytherin was really only his craving for a decent 
hamburger.  And, of course, there's Snape, who *used* to be vegetarian, and 
still dabbles with it on weekends, but from the moment that fateful steak 
touched his lips...

         Er, yeah.  Time to cut back on the Boone's Farm, I think. ;)


>Hogwarts without kippers would close, as the house elves would
>revolt. No Hogwarts = Chaos.


         Actually, you can make a pretty good substitute with some smoked 
tofu and a little seaweed... *runs*


>Or maybe I'm overreacting.


         Nah.  Just remember, it's not paranoia if they really are out to 
get you.


>And again, Please say hello to Snape the Smartie for me.)

         Snape is filled with chocolate and coated with candy?

Sushi, going to check the proof on that bottle again


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