Rules for Men

[junediamanti]

Some of us are working while you lot enjoy a bit of holiday fun.

However, here's some holiday fun I just received at work:

THE RULES

1.Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2.It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

     a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
     b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
     c. After wrecking your boss' car.
     d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
     e. When she is using her teeth

3.Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed 
and eaten by his mates.

4.Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend 
out ofjail within 12 hours.

5.If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off 
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6.Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is 
forbidden.  Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7.No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for 
another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is 
strictly optional.

8.On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

9.When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you 
may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask 
who's playing.

10.You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
  her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the 
purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11.It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...and it's free.

12.Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed 
to kick another bloke in the nuts.

13.Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14.Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15.If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see 
anything.

16.Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as 
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17.A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must 
remain sober enough to fight.

18.Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of 
pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

19.If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be 
talking about his choice of beer.

20.Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, 
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21.Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting 
weights:

     a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
     b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
     c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22.Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal 
footing:Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.

23.Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer 
than you are able to have sex with her.

24.Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

25.The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" 
have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling
weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the
discussion about what a big mistake it was.

26.It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable 
for her to drive yours.

27.Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime 
green, orange or sky blue.

28.The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for 
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a 
Playstation .End of story.

June