[HPFGU-OTChatter] Rules for Men

[IggyMcSnurd]

Iggy here:

This is missing some provisos and addendums.

(And please note that anything with ">" before it was sent by June.
It's easier to say that rather than attribute before every little thing
on this one.)


>2.It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
>
>     a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
>     b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
>     c. After wrecking your boss' car.
>     d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
>     e. When she is using her teeth

f. When it's announced that Jenna Jameson is retiring.
g. When hit in the family jewels... (but not while anyone else is
watching.)


>4.Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend 
>out of jail within 12 hours.

Of course, if you're a true friend, you'll be sitting on the cot next to
them saying "Man, she sure didn't look like a cop, did she?"


>6.Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is 
>forbidden.  Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

You may only say something to the effect that it's too warm, too hot, or
too cold.  You are never allowed to specify an actual temperature.
(i.e. No saying that Bud Light is best served at 43deg Fahrenheit.)

>7.No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for 
>another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is 
>strictly optional.

But remembering your MATE's (notice the emphasis... we're talking your
wife or girlfriend here...) is mandatory unless you enjoy sleeping
outside in the doghouse... literally.

>9.When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you 
>may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask 
>who's playing.

Asking *what's* being played is also forbidden.  If you can't tell in
the first five seconds, you're not a guy.

>10.You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
>  her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the 
>purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

And if you do it while he mouth is open and she's inhaling, she's your
wife...


>11.It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're
>sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
>supermodel...and it's free.

But remember, it must be a *female* supermodel.


>14.Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

And you only let them wear a thong or G-string if you can get a good
laugh out of it... and photos to embarrass them with later.


>16.Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as 
>spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
>ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

And even then, it's advisable you check for an Adam's apple before you
consider dating her.

>21.Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting 
>weights:
>
>     a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
>     b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
>     c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

d. You're almost there!


>22.Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal 
>footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
>situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
>need.

(Even then, your eyes must always stay within a vertical line directly
in front of you, or a horizontal ark no lower than your natural eye
level.)

>28.The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for 
>Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a 
>Playstation .End of story.

The following are also acceptable:

A 65 piece tool kit.
Power tools.
A membership to the "Keg of the Week" club.
A subscription to Playboy or Maxim.



'Nuff said.

Iggy McSnurd