Rules for Men

[Tracy Hunt]

> Iggy here:
> 
> This is missing some provisos and addendums.
> 
> (And please note that anything with ">" before it was sent by June.
> It's easier to say that rather than attribute before every little 
thing
> on this one.)
> 
> 
> >2.It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
> >
> >     a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> >     b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
> >     c. After wrecking your boss' car.
> >     d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
> >     e. When she is using her teeth
> 
> f. When it's announced that Jenna Jameson is retiring.
> g. When hit in the family jewels... (but not while anyone else is
> watching.)
> 
> 
> >4.Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a 
friend 
> >out of jail within 12 hours.
> 
> Of course, if you're a true friend, you'll be sitting on the cot 
next to
> them saying "Man, she sure didn't look like a cop, did she?"
> 
> 
> >6.Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is 
> >forbidden.  Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
> 
> You may only say something to the effect that it's too warm, too 
hot, or
> too cold.  You are never allowed to specify an actual temperature.
> (i.e. No saying that Bud Light is best served at 43deg Fahrenheit.)
> 
> >7.No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for 
> >another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is 
> >strictly optional.
> 
> But remembering your MATE's (notice the emphasis... we're talking 
your
> wife or girlfriend here...) is mandatory unless you enjoy sleeping
> outside in the doghouse... literally.
> 
> >9.When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you 
> >may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask 
> >who's playing.
> 
> Asking *what's* being played is also forbidden.  If you can't tell 
in
> the first five seconds, you're not a guy.
> 
> >10.You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have 
brought
> >  her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the 
> >purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your 
girlfriend.
> 
> And if you do it while he mouth is open and she's inhaling, she's 
your
> wife...
> 
> 
> >11.It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when 
you're
> >sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
> >supermodel...and it's free.
> 
> But remember, it must be a *female* supermodel.
> 
> 
> >14.Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
> 
> And you only let them wear a thong or G-string if you can get a good
> laugh out of it... and photos to embarrass them with later.
> 
> 
> >16.Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as 
> >spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
> >ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
> 
> And even then, it's advisable you check for an Adam's apple before 
you
> consider dating her.
> 
> >21.Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting 
> >weights:
> >
> >     a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> >     b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> >     c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
> 
> d. You're almost there!
> 
> 
> >22.Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal 
> >footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
> >situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
> >need.
> 
> (Even then, your eyes must always stay within a vertical line 
directly
> in front of you, or a horizontal ark no lower than your natural eye
> level.)
> 
> >28.The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for 
> >Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a 
> >Playstation .End of story.
> 
> The following are also acceptable:
> 
> A 65 piece tool kit.
> Power tools.
> A membership to the "Keg of the Week" club.
> A subscription to Playboy or Maxim.
> 
> 'Nuff said.
> 
> Iggy McSnurd


Tcy:

lol...and I didn't think anything could overpower the smells of 
turkey in my house....jeez - smell the testosterone!