Sibling rivalry

[ovc88guelph]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at yahoogroups.com, "dradamsapple" 
<dradamsapple at y...> wrote:
> HELP!!!!
> 
> Forgive the OT-ness of this post, but I'm at my wits end.
> The fighting between my three offspring has reached an all time 
> high.
> As an only child, I know not of fighting amongst my blood 
relatives.
> And I don't know what to do.  My DH, who has two sisters, just 
laughs 
> at me.
> Any child psychologists out there (or those of you who have been 
> through this already), willing to give out advice?  
> I'll make you some Lasagna. and Tiramisu for dessert.
> write me off list at   dradamsapple at y...
> Thanks!
> 
> Anna . . .(whose beginnig to feel she needs a nice white jacket 
like 


First, find a good solid wall, then beat your brow against it until 
the noise of fighting children subsides. 

My children are close in age (7 year old girl and 6 year old boy). 
We live on a farm and there are no children of their age nearby. 
Thus, when they are not visiting friends, or having friends visit, 
or in school, they have to play together. They can be both best of 
friends and worst of enemies. 
   I have no magic solution to sibling rivalry (no pun intended). We 
do have a few strategies that we use (besides the wall) which 
sometimes work and sometimes don't. We have a peace stick. It is 
given to each one in turn to air their problem. The other child 
isn't allowed to talk until they have their turn with the stick. 
When you have the peace stick, you can't say anything negative about 
the other person, like "she's stupid" or "he's a liar". You can only 
talk about actions and how they made you feel. Of course, sometimes 
this means I'm training them to be first rate lawyers or politicians 
when they say "she's playing with dolls and making them do stupid 
things", "he lied about using my toys, and that makes me feel 
angry". They may also have future careers with Roget's, since they 
are not allowed to call someone "dumb" or "stupid", the 
words "moron", "cretin"and "mud-blood" have been added to their 
vocabulary! Even when the peace stick doesn't work, it does bring 
the volume down to one angry little voice at a time. We also have 
punishments for bad behaviour, which means a time out or removal of 
a favourite toy or other item. Lately, we have been getting the kids 
to think of their own punishment. This usually stops the arguing, 
while they try and figure out something bad enough to be accepted by 
me, but something they can live with. Actually, I have found their 
self inflicted punishments to be much more severe than any I would 
have chosen. My daughter chose to put away her newly purchased tea 
set until "spring". This punishment was picked in Sept...and I live 
in Canada...spring is a long, long way away! So far, they have not 
asked to be let off of any punishment. We adults have also found it 
fun to stage a concurrent mock argument. This often stops the 
children's argument, while they jump a the chance to use our 
strategies to solve our quarrel. My daughter loves to sit us and 
separate rooms, and run back and forth with messages. My son's eyes 
gleam with anticipation when he says "if you say something mean, 
you'll have to have a punishment, and I get to pick it!" 
    When all else fails, including the wall, I revert back to the 
old standards my parents used.  "Can't get along together? Fine, you 
go upstairs; you go downstairs". Or "If you have time and energy to 
waste on fighting, I have a few more useful things for you to do"  
which was followed by some less than desirable chore, usually 
outside and out of hearing range! 

MMcK