What's Love Got To Do With It?

[Anne]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at yahoogroups.com, "Cindy C." <cindysphynx at c...> 
wrote:
>
> Anyway, this latest anniversary got me thinking about two things. 
> First, I started to wonder if I have the longest marriage of anyone 
on
> OTC (of those who are willing to admit to being married, anyway).  
<g>
>  Surely I ought to be in contention for the title, don't you 
think?  I
> mean, 13 years sure *feels* like a really long time.  (And to be
> inclusive, let's consider "marriage" to include same-sex unions.) 

My DH (Mr. U) and I celebrated our 17th weddding anniversary on 
September 20th. We've known each other since January 1985 (yay, us!). 
 
> 
> Second, I started to wonder if there is any common characteristic
> among those who are married for a long time.  I know my own views of
> what makes a good partner have changed dramatically since I was a
> blushing bride.  But I'm wondering what everyone else thinks about
> that -- what does love have to do with it?  And what else is 
involved?

Thanks for the great Tina Turner line :-) Well, I think romantic 
love, "Eros" (didn't we have this discussions on the Main List or 
else here earlier this year?), probably dominates the earlier 
phases of a long-term relationship. But eventually the bloom is off 
the rose and you see your partner through somewhat less rose-colored 
glasses (I'm a fount of cliches tonight, sorry), and you eventually 
understand that loving someone is a decision as much as an emotion, 
and you keep making that decision every day so that the relationship 
can handle the inevitable ups and downs and especially the unexpected 
ones. And of course it's important for both of you to want basically 
the same things out of life. What's that saying? "Love does not 
consist of staring into each other's eyes, but in looking out in the 
same direction." At least that's how I see it. My husband is also my 
best friend, and someone I would've enjoyed having as a friend if 
we'd never dated.

> 
> Cindy -- who doesn't wear her engagement or wedding rings anymore
> because they annoy her, and they are too small now anyway

I haven't worn my wedding ring in several years. It belonged to Mr. 
U's mother (who died when he was 7) and was enlarged to fit my ring 
finger after Mr. U and I got engaged. Unfortunately the back of the 
band was very thin and one day a few years ago the ring just broke. 
And I've been too lazy (and cheap) to try to get it fixed. But I 
still wear my engagement ring (also the late Mrs. U's) - mostly 
because I can't get it OFF my finger any more!!

Anne U
(who now has What's Love Got To Do With It? stuck in her head)