What's Love Got To Do With It?

[Beth]

Having just screwed up yet another post heading (should have been 
smells like... something pink [was Re:   whatever it was), and being 
beyond catastrophically late for the mixer, I thought perhaps this 
thread wasn't so old I couldn't still reply and try to redeem myself.

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at yahoogroups.com, "Cindy C." 
<cindysphynx at c...> wrote:
[snip]
> Anyway, this latest anniversary got me thinking about two things. 
> First, I started to wonder if I have the longest marriage of 
anyone on OTC (of those who are willing to admit to being married, 
anyway).  <g> Surely I ought to be in contention for the title, 
don't you think?  I mean, 13 years sure *feels* like a really long 
time.  (And to be inclusive, let's consider "marriage" to include 
same-sex unions.)  
> 

On Wednesday, my dh and I will celebrate 15 years of marriage--while 
supervising a youth group on a cookout! Sigh. A far cry from Cindy 
C's dinner...

> Second, I started to wonder if there is any common characteristic
> among those who are married for a long time.  I know my own views 
of what makes a good partner have changed dramatically since I was a
> blushing bride.  But I'm wondering what everyone else thinks about
> that -- what does love have to do with it?  And what else is 
involved?


We both come from homes in which our parents divorced and remarried 
others, sometimes for the worse. I think that that experience made 
us stubbornly more committed to making sure our children didn't have 
to go through it. Do we have the wonderful relationship Tammy and 
Eloise so eloquently described? Sometimes. Sometimes it's just 
bullheadedness that keeps us together. I have been struck more and 
more lately though, that we need to work on rediscovering what 
brought us together and kept us together so that we're not facing 
each other as strangers when our girls are grown. I do know that in 
some of our darkest moments, when I would consider what it would 
mean to take my girls to live in my parents' basement while I tried 
to eke out a life for us, what I thought about was not what it would 
do to them, but the aching hole I imagined in my heart.

I was 18 and he was 22 when we met while working in Yellowstone 
National Park (the summer of the fires, 1988). I look back at how we 
met and started "dating" and know that I was beyond lucky. Is it 
possible to know that the life you have is so good, and you couldn't 
have had it without the mistakes you made and /still/ want something 
so much better for your children? That is the oxymoron of my life--
knowing that I wouldn't have these lovely children if I hadn't 
gotten "knocked up" and yet knowing that I want them to have a life 
of /choices/. 

My husband is beyond supportive of me, and still regrets on my 
behalf that I didn't get to get a degree (and I still wonder if I 
could ever have decided on one!), and works incredibly long hours to 
support us. I often listen with half an ear, and have been known to 
whine about the long hours. 

Well! Thank you, Cindy, for putting forth yet another thought-
provoking topic!

Beth


> 
> Cindy -- who doesn't wear her engagement or wedding rings anymore
> because they annoy her, and they are too small now anyway

(I /did/ get mine resized several pounds ago, but as it's never fit 
properly anyway, dh suggested we look for a replacement. I think 
it's a great idea. And anyway, they're supposed to be a symbol, not 
a shackle, right??)