Telemarketer Strategies

[derannimer]

So, how *do* people deal with telemarketers? Other than the polite "Sorry, but we're 
not interested," that is?

To get people started:

<hem, hem>

My mother pretends that it's a faulty connection, and goes "Hello? Hello? Hello, hello? 
Hel*lo*?" over the telemarketing spiel and then, "as there's no one on the line" hangs 
up.

My dad is always coming up with elaborate lines like this one:

"I'm sorry, he's not here right now, but he should get parole in about four months. He 
can call you back then, if you like."

or:

"*BOB!* You're *Bob,* aren't you?! Oh, come on now, I remember you! Bob 
Jacobson, you were in my high school class! Hey, Bob, how did you ever get this lousy 
job?"

Unfortunately, he never actually *uses* these lines when telemarketers are on the 
phone; he seems not to quite have the heart, or something, and generally resorts to 
the polite "Sorry, etc." instead.

I know a family who *did* do things like that to telemarketers though, and worse: 
they would sing into the phone, they would hold the phone by a toilet and flush it, 
they would hand the phone around from family member to family member and 
introduce themselves to the telemarketer ("Hi! My name is Julia and I'm in eighth 
grade!" "Hi! My name is. . . "), they would make nonsense noises into the phone, they 
would grab a school book and start reading science texts at the telemarketer. *They* 
weren't supposed to be the ones who hung up first. Apparently a telemarketer once 
called them back after hanging up, and said: "You little brat" to the girl who answered 
the phone.

I admire these tactics tremendously, but I seem to take after my father in this area -- 
I always feel so *guilty* when I hear those poor people on the phone that I never 
seem to be able to do things like that.




Derannimer, who doesn't think she'd have the chutzpah to sing the Dutch 
ambassador's part from "Please Hello" in "Pacific Overtures" at a telemarketer even if 
she *did* have the heart to