Tales from Child Support Agency

[junediamanti]

The Child Support Agency in the UK is the government agency 
responsible for getting absent parents to pay for the upkeep of 
their children.

The following are all replies that British women have put on Child 
Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: 
These are genuine excerpts from the forms:
 

01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was 
fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father 
of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. 

02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I 
was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. 
I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at 
the party if this helps. 
 
03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was 
conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected 
sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so 
good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can 
you send me his phone number? Thanks. 

04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He 
drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the 
door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this 
area and see if he's had it replaced. 

05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the 
Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he 
is Christ risen again. 
 
06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me 
that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic 
implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right 
by you and right by the country. Please advise. 

07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies 
look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket. 
 
08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with 
him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? 
 
09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro 
Disney. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. 
 
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I 
remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in 
the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than 
going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained 
unfertilised. 
 
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after 
all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you 
fart.   

Tasteless, but amusing.

June