[HPFGU-OTChatter] Re: Yo mama / Redneck Wizard Jokes

[Iggy McSnurd]

>> Iggy:
>> Who has accidentally shot HIMSELF in the arm with a bow and arrow...
> 
> Bohcoo:
> Not going to let you go with that one. Details, details, we must have
> details. Bet you won a local prize for that, didn't ya?

Iggy here:

*sigh* Ok... Here goes:

About 10 years ago, when I was still a member of the SCA (Society for
Creative Anachronism, for those who didn't know), I was a member of the
College of St. David... which was the branch at University of California
at Santa Cruz.  Some of us were in training as "light fighters"
(javelins, archery, darts, etc...), some were training as "heavy
fighters" (full armored melee combat), and some (like me) were training
at both.

Well, one of the guys set up an archery range and some of us would go
over regularly to practice.  We had all gone out and gotten SCA
regulation recurve bows (getting a bit of a discount for about 10 of us
buying them all at once from the same store) and assembled a collection
of arrows.  Unfortunately, one of the people bought a few arrows that
were slightly shorter than the others.  (Mainly it was unfortunate for
me since, as the largest guy in the group, I had the longest draw on my
bow.)

One day while a few of us were out shooting, I grabbed one of the
shorter arrows without realizing it.  When I drew it back, I was ok...
the arrowhead was resting on the grip of my bow.  The problem is, when I
fired, my arm drew back a tad more, and my fingers tightening as well,
brought the arrow back just enough that the arrowhead slipped back and
jammed against the arm of the bow just as I fired.

The force of the release, combined with the fact that the arrow had
nowhere to go now, caused the shaft to snap, driving the back half into
my arm.  Fortunately, factors worked together to minimize the damage.
For one, the shaft snapped cleanly and across its width, causing the end
to be almost perfectly flat, rather than splintering into a long spike.
Second, I tended to wear heavy cotton dress shirts at the time... nice
and tough fabric.  Third, it was also my style to roll my sleeves up, so
the gathered fabric was in the crook of my elbow... at the same place
the broken arrow hit.

The end result was a lot less damaging than it could have been.  Mostly,
it was a severe abrasion and some bleeding to the inside of my elbow,
rather than a 18" shaft of wood being driven through my arm.

I still qualify as the only person, probably in the world, who has ever
managed to shoot himself in the arm with a two handed bow.  (I can
imagine someone doing it with a hand crossbow.. but to do it with a
recurve bow takes talent... or bad luck...)




> Iggy:
> > Who HAS used his underwear as a bathing suit...
> 
> Bohcoo:
> And, you call yourself half Italian and half redneck? Birthday suits
> are the proper attire, aren't they?

Iggy:

For some, maybe...  Personally, I've never had the nerve to go skinny
dipping.  (I won't get into the many jokes I could get into.  Perhaps if
this were on the chat from last Sunday... *chuckle*)


> 
> >Iggy:
> > And who has actually had to yell out "somebody go jiggle the
> handle!"
> 
> Bohcoo:
> Outhouses have handles?

Iggy:

Nahhhh.. We gots some o' that fancy indoor plumbing down here in our
place.

(Actually, the handle referred to is usually the toilet handle, since
some toilets are notorious for having the flap chain go slack and get
stuck under the seal flap... causing the water to keep running if you
don't jiggle the handle to unstuck the chain.)

And to be truthful, I just recently moved down here to the south.  Heck,
I spent almost all of my life before living here out in central
California.

The funny thing is that I get the occasional person down here asking if
I'm a Yankee... to which I correct them and alleviate their ignorance by
pointing out that I am a Westerner, and not a Yankee.  (The two biggest
distinction is that we don't have accents, and that we also stayed out
of that little temper tantrum known as the Civil War, the War of
Northern Aggression, or the War Between the States... or whatever
someone chooses to call it.)


> 
> With a wink and a grin and a blow on her trusty paint gun,
> (And for those of you who weren't in the Sunday chat -- get your
> minds outta the gutter!!! Actually, you too, Iggy....) (HA)
> Bohcoo
> 
> 
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