Fwd: Florida - sad but true humour

[Dina Lerret]

As a Floridiot, I'm agreeing with Kim on her assessment.  I'm only in
a pair of undies and a wifebeater because it's *hot*.

Dina

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Kim

I thought you'd enjoy this. Very funny and extremely true.

Kim

Subject: FLORIDA

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine
While ants and roaches march in time.

Bless our yard where spiders pass
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.

Bless the love bugs, two by two,
The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
In FLORIDA, Lord, you've put them all!

But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.


YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN FLORIDA IN AUGUST WHEN. . . .

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out
and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying hard boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Ah, what a place to call home.

The wind sure does blow but we get no snow.

God Bless the State of FLORIDA!