church humour and Christmas/holiday plays

[Mary Ann]

Potioncat wrote:

> In our area, those who come to church only at Christmas and Easter 
are 
> called "Holly and Lily Christians." And our pastor says we should not 
> begrudge them our usual pew spots, since they only come twice a year, 
> it's important that they get good seats.

Our old family church in Toronto used to call them "twice-a-year 
Catholics", and these people received a stern talking-to from the 
priest.  They also provided fun distractions for bored stiff teenagers 
as these twice-a-year folk didn't know when to sit, kneel or stand.  
Yes, I was that bored during mass. :D  A British priest I knew referred 
to these folks as Submarine Catholics as they only surface twice a 
year.  I love this phrase, lapsed Catholic that I am.

Do other religions have such terms for infrequent worshippers?  Just 
curious.

Several of you have mentioned holiday concerts taking place at schools, 
but I'm curious what your children's schools do in terms of, for lack 
of a better term, Christmas/holiday plays.  We live in Exeter, a small 
city in the southwest of England.  My kids' school is non-
denominational and there were no non-British-descent kids in the school 
until less than 3 years ago.  All the same, the school does not put on 
nativity plays**; it puts on what it calls Christmas plays.  Several of 
these plays that I've sat through over the years (note that I didn't 
say "enjoyed over the years", because I'm honest and a complete and 
utter Scrooge at times ;) ) made some watered-down references to the 
birth of Jesus, which annoys me to no end.  I'm a practicing Christian 
and have no problem with non-faith schools not putting on a traditional 
nativity--in fact, I applaud it--but these weak-kneed references 
mentioned above seem like a PC-inspired cop-out to me.  IMO It should 
be all or nothing.  This year both the plays I saw made no nativity 
references, which pleased me, even though one of the plays was based on 
the song The Twelve Days of Christmas, which I loathe (have I mentioned 
that I'm a Scrooge at times?).  However, everyone forgot their lines, 
no one was in the right place at the right time, and none of the 
performers could stop giggling, and that's my kind of school play!  

What have your experiences been?


**IMO traditional nativity plays have special rules which must be 
followed or I'll become all Scrooge-like again:

1)  No participant may be taller than 3 1/2 feet.

2)  No participant may be allowed to spell any word more complicated 
than "cat".  If the participant cannot spell his or her own name, so 
much the better.

3)  Every shepherd must be wearing a bathrobe and a tea towel on 
his/her head.  Bonus points if the tea towel is a souvenir one from a 
seaside town.  Scruffy trainers, preferably with Spider Man on them, 
sticking out from under the bathrobes are also a must.

4)  Under no circumstances must any of the Wise Men, who must all sport 
cardboard crowns covered in aluminum foil, be able to actually 
pronounce the word "frankinscence".

5)  Waving to parents and grandparents by participants is strongly 
encouraged, as is at least half a dozen proud grandmothers 
shouting "Ooh, there's our Kevin!" in voices so loud that they 
overpower whatever is being said on stage.

6)  Participants who are not waving to parents and grandparents must 
spend the entire play staring into space and not having a clue as to 
what is going on.

7)  Very strong coffee must be made available for the adults trying 
desparately to keep order over their little charges during the whole 
charade.  Alcohol must be served to these same adults once the play is 
over and all the little darlings have gone home (ask me how I know 
this).

Mary Ann, who lives for preschool nativity plays