Another Daily Prophet article

[Joywitch]

No: HPFGUIDX 6733

*************** THE DAILY PROPHET ******************

HEDGE: MINISTRY MAY INTERFERE

by Joywitch M. Curmudgeon, Daily Prophet's U.S. correspondent

SALEM, MA, Dec. 12 – U.S. Minister of Magic Ralph Q. Hedge today 
announced that the Ministry might assist the U.S. muggle government 
in finding some resolution to the month-old election controversy.  
Minister Hedge stated that "As every witch and wizard knows, we have 
a strict policy of non-interference in muggle affairs.  However, in 
extreme cases the Ministry does sometimes comply with requests from 
the muggle government.  This may be one of those extreme cases.  A 
majority of the wizarding community seems to feel that intervention 
is necessary, due to the muggle's inability to solve this election 
dilemma.  After all, American witches and wizards have to live here 
in the U.S. too, and none of us benefit from all this confusion."

Hedge denied that his decision to consider intervention was in any 
way a reversal of the Ministry's previous statements of non-
interference, nor was the decision influenced by political 
partisanship or any lobbying efforts.  "Any intervention will occur 
solely because of the seriousness of the situation," Hedge insisted, 
"and the fact that I have been barraged with owls and Howlers 
demanding that the Ministry do something about the muggle election 
disaster has nothing to do with this decision.  However, I wish that 
stupid donkey that stands on my kitchen table braying COUNT EVERY 
VOTE would go away, I have tried every spell I know and it is driving 
me nuts, I mean I understand that passions are running high right now 
and I hope this move will assuage people's feelings."

Hedge confirmed that the muggle government had, in fact, asked for 
Ministry assistance, but stated that, "They are constantly asking for 
help, but we usually ignore them.  In fact, every four years, as soon 
as they find out about our existence, the muggle presidents bombard 
us with requests for solutions to all their problems.  This last 
president is the worst.  You could populate a trailer park with the 
women he has tried to get us to disapparate, and I've forgotten how 
many times he's asked to have a Memory Charm put on his wife."

It is unclear what, exactly, the Ministry of Magic would do to 
intervene, but one of the measures under consideration, according to 
Hedge, is to send a delegation of house elves to help with the 
Florida recounts, should the muggles decide to resume them.  Several 
house elves have already volunteered to help, including Fuzzy, 
Hedge's own elf.  Fuzzy, who spoke to reporters from his master's 
house in West Palm Beach, Florida, said, "Fuzzy is hoping very much 
to help.  Fuzzy is very mad at muggles, sir, ever since my master was 
so upset after he accidently voted for Buchanan because of stupid 
muggle butterfly ballot."

Another house elf who volunteered to help with the recount is Henson 
family house elf Count Von Count, who is familiar to wizards and 
muggles alike from his successful acting career on muggle 
television.  "I vould luv to help.  I luv to count.  Vun hanging 
chad, two hanging chad...," the Count told reporters.

Hedge's announcement was applauded by Muggle Affairs Directorate 
(MAD) Chairman Jack Weasley, who has long argued for more Ministry 
involvement in muggle affairs.  However, a dissenting voice came from 
Jim-Bob Malfoy, the Texas wizard oil baron and president of the 
Slytherin Society.  "There is no reason for the Ministry to 
intervene.  It is clear that George W. Bush, who, in fact, I voted 
for, will win the election.  I don't see any argument for the 
Ministry of Magic or the Florida Supreme Court or anyone else to 
stick their nose in where it doesn't belong." Malfoy, who was 
attending the annual Snake of the Year award ceremony, which the 
Slytherin Society this year awarded to Ralph Nader, added, "Just 
leave this election to us."