[HPforGrownups] Another Daily Prophet article

[Amanda Lewanski]

No: HPFGUIDX 6734

Ah, Joywitch, thanks for the lift. And please remind the good Mr. Hedge that
he's lucky it's a donkey on his table--it could have been an elephant...

--Amanda

Joywitch wrote:

> *************** THE DAILY PROPHET ******************
>
> HEDGE: MINISTRY MAY INTERFERE
>
> by Joywitch M. Curmudgeon, Daily Prophet's U.S. correspondent
>
> SALEM, MA, Dec. 12  U.S. Minister of Magic Ralph Q. Hedge today
> announced that the Ministry might assist the U.S. muggle government
> in finding some resolution to the month-old election controversy.
> Minister Hedge stated that "As every witch and wizard knows, we have
> a strict policy of non-interference in muggle affairs.  However, in
> extreme cases the Ministry does sometimes comply with requests from
> the muggle government.  This may be one of those extreme cases.  A
> majority of the wizarding community seems to feel that intervention
> is necessary, due to the muggle's inability to solve this election
> dilemma.  After all, American witches and wizards have to live here
> in the U.S. too, and none of us benefit from all this confusion."
>
> Hedge denied that his decision to consider intervention was in any
> way a reversal of the Ministry's previous statements of non-
> interference, nor was the decision influenced by political
> partisanship or any lobbying efforts.  "Any intervention will occur
> solely because of the seriousness of the situation," Hedge insisted,
> "and the fact that I have been barraged with owls and Howlers
> demanding that the Ministry do something about the muggle election
> disaster has nothing to do with this decision.  However, I wish that
> stupid donkey that stands on my kitchen table braying COUNT EVERY
> VOTE would go away, I have tried every spell I know and it is driving
> me nuts, I mean I understand that passions are running high right now
> and I hope this move will assuage people's feelings."
>
> Hedge confirmed that the muggle government had, in fact, asked for
> Ministry assistance, but stated that, "They are constantly asking for
> help, but we usually ignore them.  In fact, every four years, as soon
> as they find out about our existence, the muggle presidents bombard
> us with requests for solutions to all their problems.  This last
> president is the worst.  You could populate a trailer park with the
> women he has tried to get us to disapparate, and I've forgotten how
> many times he's asked to have a Memory Charm put on his wife."
>
> It is unclear what, exactly, the Ministry of Magic would do to
> intervene, but one of the measures under consideration, according to
> Hedge, is to send a delegation of house elves to help with the
> Florida recounts, should the muggles decide to resume them.  Several
> house elves have already volunteered to help, including Fuzzy,
> Hedge's own elf.  Fuzzy, who spoke to reporters from his master's
> house in West Palm Beach, Florida, said, "Fuzzy is hoping very much
> to help.  Fuzzy is very mad at muggles, sir, ever since my master was
> so upset after he accidently voted for Buchanan because of stupid
> muggle butterfly ballot."
>
> Another house elf who volunteered to help with the recount is Henson
> family house elf Count Von Count, who is familiar to wizards and
> muggles alike from his successful acting career on muggle
> television.  "I vould luv to help.  I luv to count.  Vun hanging
> chad, two hanging chad...," the Count told reporters.
>
> Hedge's announcement was applauded by Muggle Affairs Directorate
> (MAD) Chairman Jack Weasley, who has long argued for more Ministry
> involvement in muggle affairs.  However, a dissenting voice came from
> Jim-Bob Malfoy, the Texas wizard oil baron and president of the
> Slytherin Society.  "There is no reason for the Ministry to
> intervene.  It is clear that George W. Bush, who, in fact, I voted
> for, will win the election.  I don't see any argument for the
> Ministry of Magic or the Florida Supreme Court or anyone else to
> stick their nose in where it doesn't belong." Malfoy, who was
> attending the annual Snake of the Year award ceremony, which the
> Slytherin Society this year awarded to Ralph Nader, added, "Just
> leave this election to us."
>
>
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