[HPforGrownups] More clippings from The Daily Prophet

[Amanda Lewanski]

No: HPFGUIDX 5324

Eggplant, you and Caius are evidently the resident warped geniuses. Thanks
for a good laugh, on a day when my three house elves are exercising more
than their usual magic (i.e., make rooms messy by walking in; cause objects
of desire to disappear from hands of baby; enlarge one Oreo so it covers
three French door windows (up to about 3 feet high), etc.).

--Amanda

eggplant88 at hotmail.com wrote:

>     CLIPPINGS FROM THE DAILY PROPHET
>
> Some of you may not have a subscription to The Daily Prophet so I
> thought I'd send you a few clippings just to let you know some of the
> stuff going on in the wizarding world.
> ============================
> A BREAKUP SOUGHT FOR WEASLEY INDUSTRIES
>
> Neville Longbottom the head of the antitrust division of the
> department of magic said today that his department was charging
> Weasley Industries with anti competitive practices. Weasley
> Industries is the parent company of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes the
> phenomenally successful chain of joke shops that has made Fred and
> George Weasley the two richest wizards in the world. The brothers
> opened one tiny shop in Hogsmead less than 5 years ago and their
> growth has been nothing less than astonishing. Today they dominate,
> some say monopolize, the entire joke industry.
>
> In a press conference today minister Longbottom said "The company has
> engaged in predatory pricing and other unfair monopolistic practices.
> Every jokester feels that having a good supply of Canary Creams and
> Ton Tongue Toffee is absolutely essential, so in it must be admitted
> brilliant marketing move, the Weasley brothers started to gave away
> Whoopee Cushions and plastic vomit with each purchase. Independent
> producers like International Whoopee Cushion and Asia Pacific Plastic
> Vomit just could not compete with a tie in with fundamental products
> that every prankster is virtually forced to buy. Their main retail
> competitor, Zonkos joke shop, tried to counter with Peanut Parrots
> and Big Tongue Gum but the Weasley's successfully sued Zonkos for
> patent infringement and Zonkos was forced to file for bankruptcy,
> leaving the brothers virtually the only remaining force in this
>
> Continued on page A6
> ============================
> advertisement
>
> The musical stylings of Percy Weasley have made him the most popular
> singer of romantic ballads of his generation, now this beloved
> minstrel he has written a book of tender love poems. "It Might Be
> Verse" is available at all Flourish And Blots locations.
> ============================
> continued from page 1
>
> very important sector of our economy." The ministry is trying to
> force Weasley Industries to split into two companies that would
> compete with each other. In a statement to reporters Fred Weasley
> said "From the beginning all my brother and I have tried to do is
> make a funny product that a jokester can afford. We think it's a pity
> minister Longbottom does not understand this but we look forward to
> proving it in a court of law". If a out of court settlement can not
> be agreed on a long and very complicated trial could start in about a
> year.
>
> =============================
> A New Malfoy Movie
>
> Actor Draco Malfoy has signed to play the title character in
> "Martin Miggs the Mad Muggle", the movie based on the first of the
> Martin Miggs series of children's books that has become the fastest
> selling book of all time. Mr. Malfoy is best known for his work in
> the 7 part historical mini series "The Harry Potter Story", he played
> the part of Dobby.
>
> Martin Miggs in the books is a little boy who can do no witchcraft
> but overcomes all sorts of exotic and fanciful dangers with nothing
> to help him but intelligence and courage. Mr. Malfoy is 23 years old
> but due to a unfortunate accident during a unsuccessful attempt to
> make another Philosopher's Stone he looks like he's about 12. The
> latest book in this controversial series is "Martin Miggs And The Tax
> Audit" and is considered by many to be too frightening for younger
> readers. Conservative wizards, including Mr. Malfoy's own father,
> also claim that by having the hero solve problems without sorcery the
> series promotes un-wizarding values and is corrupting our youth. Mr.
> Malfoy's only comment was "A job is a job".
>
> =============================
>
> A PROFESSOR RESIGNS
>
> Severus Snape the potions master at Hogwarts has resigned from that
> school so he could accept the position of Vice President Of Special
> Projects at Weasley Industries. George Weasley told The Daily Prophet
> "My brother and I have known Severus for many years and feel he can
> make a unique contribution to our management team at this important
> moment in our company's history." He did not say if this was related
> to the anti trust difficulties the company is having.
>
>
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