Harry's resilience (was Re: Harry-James-Lily relationship, posth umous (was: Harry's lack of curiosity))

[Tandy, Heidi]

No: HPFGUIDX 17770

Sue wrote:
> 
> >>Although it isn't pictorally represented by JKR, it has been 
> assumed by most readers that Harry *has* thought of his parents, and 
> probably a substantial amount over the years-- it would have been 
> impossible not to.  But *what* did he think about?  He had no idea 
> what they looked like before Hagrid explained the situation, IIRC; 
> did he picture that?  Did he think about what it would have been like 
> if they had been alive all this time?  Most likely.  Did he think 
> about (in his moodier moments) their deaths?  Probably.<<
> 
Scott replied:
>  
> > --I agree that Harry has to think about his parents often if not 
> all the time, but no matter how much he thinks about them it still 
> doesn't explain his complete lack of intrest from outside sources. 
> <snip><
> 

I'm going into the WayBack machine for my response to this - all the way to
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/828 (message 828. We're
now at message 17770. Gack.)

Way way back in September, there was a discussion about abuse and resiliant
children - the concept of a resiliant child is one who has multiple and
severe risks in their lives but can nonetheless develop into "confident,
competent, and caring" teens and adults. 
Resiliant children have certain characteristics/outside support factors (see
the bottom of this post).

The presence of at least one caring person--someone who conveys an attitude
of compassion, who understands that no matter how awful a child's behavior,
the child is doing the best he or she can given his or her
experience--provides support for healthy development and learning. This
person can be a parent who was in a child's life at one point, but later was
separated from the child. Even a permannent separation at a young age
(between twelve and 18 months) can provide this "caring person" support
factor, because the toddler has memories of the parent and the loving
environment, which stay in the child's subconscious, and even in the
conscious mind, longer than a lay adult would suspect. Studies show that
three and four year olds can remember being a year old, and the things they
did or played with, or the people they knew. Even if a six or seven year old
cannot concretely remember actions and playmates from when they were five
years younger, those memories have become part of their subconscious. 

As I wrote back in Septepmerb, I assume that for his first 15 months, Harry
had a terrificly stable upbringing, great, loving parents (ok, maybe James
spent time away from home on anti-voldemort things...) and a lot of love at
home.

Then, boom, things go wrong.

We next see him almost ten years later, sleeping in a cuboard, but able to
visit the rest of the house.

And he's not horrible. Why?

Is it the whole Cinderella thing, where she's just so inherently good that
the horribleness of her situation doesn't reduce her unfailing goodness?

Possibly - I mean, this part of the story is the closest to traditional
fairy tales (but then again, in the traditional Perrault and Grimm
cinderella stories, she had her father until he was somewhere between 5 and
9) - but there might be another explanation. 

My pet theory is that even if he doesn't remember it, Harry's magical
abilities allowed him to "improve" things in the cuboard until his memories
of his parents & his prior "life"
started to fade away.

Babies remember things - you spend enough time with a 13 or 15 month old,
and you see that even if they haven't done something or played with a toy or
seen a book for 2, 3, even 4 months, they'll remember it when they see it.
They're generally walking and talking, and unless Hagrid gave him a little
sleeping draught, Harry was a pretty good sleeper at 15 months.  And if they
have the personality for it, babies play on their own better than they play
with others. And if you're a wizard baby, and you're spending every night in
a crib in a dark room, you'll amuse yourself by making the nightlight flash
on & off, by sending your blanket flying around the room, by climbing out
ofthe crib (yes, at that age, they do!) and going into the box of old toys
of Dudley's and playing with them. 

Even if 10 year old harry has no memories of his parents, 3, and maybe even
4 year old Harry did - and that probably helped a lot with keeping him on a
more even keel than he would've been if his parents had been killed when he
was, say, 3 months old.

Other posts from Penny and Peg, who aren't here at the moment, are pretty
interesting for those who want more perspectives on this issue - try message
#s 836, 837 

And of course, this thread is what made me initially start thinking about
Draco's homelife and sketching the outline of a fanfiction where Draco's
resiliance is, well, not so good, in part because, unlike Harry, Draco (in
my universe) has never had unconditionally loving, attached parents ...and
we know what happened to me because of that! (for newbies who haven't seen
mention of it before, I'm in the middle of a work in progress fanfiction
focusing on Draco Malfoy, which is a *missing scenes* story that gives some
explanations for his behaviour in canon)

Sue:
> >> I wonder if perhaps Harry, when placed in certain situations 
> (being bullied, etc.), thought about what would be different if his 
> parents had been around, rather than the Dursleys... he might even 
> have had an entire parallel universe roaming in his mind.<<
> 
> And Scott again:
>  
> > --I'm sure of it. I mean doesn't everyone do this in some form or 
> another? I know I do...<
 
And Jennifer wrote:

> I still do.  Every once in a while, when I'm feeling introspective, I 
> wonder how much of my life would have changed.  Would I have been one 
> of those girls I always hated that talked about how they hated how 
> unfair their mothers were (I always wanted to just stand there face 
> to face with them and say "oh yeah?  Well how fair is it to NOT have 
> one to bitch about??")?  

Silver:-) has a new fanfiction up (it's slash, natch) where Draco says
something similar to Harry (in that fic, they've been dating for a while)
and Harry replies in a way that is similar to Jennifer's thoughts


And now.......
The Factors:

Social competence includes qualities such as responsiveness, especially the
ability to elicit positive responses from others; flexibility, including the
ability to move between different cultures; empathy; communication skills;
and a sense of humor. 
Problem-solving skills encompass the ability to plan; to be resourceful in
seeking help from others; and to think critically, creatively, and
reflectively. 
In the development of a critical consciousness, a reflective awareness of
the structures of oppression (be it from an alcoholic parent, an insensitive
school, or a racist society) and creating strategies for overcoming them has
been key. 
Autonomy is having a sense of one's own identity and an ability to act
independently and to exert some control over one's environment, including a
sense of task mastery, internal locus of control, and self-efficacy. 
The development of resistance (refusing to accept negative messages about
oneself) and of detachment (distancing oneself from dysfunction) serves as a
powerful protector of autonomy. Lastly, resilience is manifested in having a
sense of purpose and a belief in a bright future, including goal direction,
educational aspirations, achievement motivation, persistence, hopefulness,
optimism, and spiritual connectedness.