You Just Don't Understand --Hermione and Ron in conversation

[pippin_999]

No: HPFGUIDX 31391

   I  was listening to GoF on tape the other day and something 
leapt out at me: when Hermione and Harry are together without 
Ron, they do what Hermione wants to do. When all three of them 
are together, they do what Harry wants to do.

	"There was much less laughter and a lot more hanging around 
the library when Hermione was your best friend. Harry still hadn't 
mastered Summoning Charms, he seemed to have developed 
something of a block about them, and Hermione insisted that 
learning the theory would help. They consequently spent a lot of 
time poring over books during their lunchtimes."--GoF ch19.

  Contrast this with all the times Hermione advises against a 
course of action and the boys go through with it anyway, or all the 
games of chess and exploding snap that get played when Ron 
is around. 

   I think, as I mentioned on Snapefans the other day, that the 
Hermione/Ron  and Harry/ Hermione interactions play out the 
dynamic described in Deborah Tannen's book "You Just Don't 
Understand -- Women and Men in Conversation". Hermione 
wants to help the boys by giving them information. But Ron 
"typical boy" has been socialized to experience this as a put 
down. (This, according to Tannen, is why guys hate to ask for 
directions).  Since he actually appreciates the help, he endures 
being told what to do, but  re-asserts his social status by teasing 
her. Being a kid, Ron hasn't analyzed all this, he just knows that 
Hermione's constant barrage of advice is irritating. 

   Hermione doesn't realize she's one-upping Ron every time she 
opens her mouth, and like a lot of listees can't understand why 
he has to be so rude.  Still, they are friends, so they've made a 
game out of it, with Ron deliberately saying things to get a 
superior attitude know-it-all response. Does anyone really think 
that after four years he still doesn't know you can't Apparate on 
the grounds? Or that he  hadn't (and how!) noticed Hermione 
was a girl? He'd noticed that in PoA, when he looked terrifed by 
her embrace . (IMO, what he didn't know was that she was 
*willing*  for him to think she was a girl. )

	Harry,OTOH,  has much less social experience than Ron. He 
finds Hermione's coaching useful most of the time and takes it 
as evidence of her concern for him (which it is).  As long as Ron 
is around, it doesn't matter that Harry doesn't know how to assert 
himself with her, because Ron does it for him. But when he's on 
the outs with Ron, he finds being with Hermione isn't so much 
fun. He'd rather not spend so much time in the library, but he 
can't find a way to tell her that.

	Does anyone else think  that maybe  Hermione also thought it 
was a little dull  hanging out in the library and practicing all the 
time, but couldn't  give herself permission to do anything else? 
Maybe she needs Ron's teasing to goad her into having a little 
fun once in a while.

   Since the characters aren't aware  of why they act this way, I 
could see all  this turning into a major angst fest if a serious 
romantic relationship were to develop between H/H *or* H/R. I 
expect JKR  plans to let her characters grow up a little more 
before thrusting them into such a thing. That way  the major 
angst will continue to come from Voldemort's attempts to kill 
Harry (and take over the world, mwahaha!), with the romantic 
relationships a source of minor troubles and comic relief. 

   Please feel free to pick holes in the above.
Pippin