The Riddler (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 8445

The Riddler 

(to the tune of The Wanderer)

(The Scene: The Chamber of Secrets.  TOM RIDDLE has just disclosed 
his true identity to HARRY POTTER)

TOM RIDDLE: 
For 50 years or so I've been a-livin' in this book
The only thing I needed was that someone take a look
I was carrying on quite nicely through our Ginny W. 
But then you got my diary, now you're in trouble too!
Just call me Tom Riddle, y'all
I'm like Voldy's Id `n' all
I'm so renowned, renowned, renowned, renowned 

You resemble me quite closely,  we are both so very young
We're Muggle-bred, we're brilliant, and we both do
Parseltongue
I'd like to say more to you, but I fear I must be brisk
It's time to introduce you to my beloved basilisk 
For a fight he is spoilin'
Just watch him uncoilin'
He's now unwound, unwound, unwound, unwound

(The basilisk converges menacingly toward Harry. Fawkes flies to him, 
carrying the sorting hat)

Well, you must be kiddin' me
Could anything be more absurd
Than that you'll rid yourself of me
With that worn-out hat and that preposterous bird?

(Harry pulls the sword of Gryffindor from the sorting hat.  He slays 
the basilisk with it, but is apparently mortally wounded in turn
– until he is revived by the tears of Fawkes).

HARRY: 
I admit to you, Tom Riddle, that your snake's bite has some sting
But a teardrop from a Phoenix can deprive it of its zing
That magic book of yours is bad, it leads children astray
I've an evangelic fervor now to ban it straightaway
Though I'm being judgementally 
I think fundamentally 
You're now aground aground aground aground

(he plunges the sword in the book, causing Riddle to vanish)

	- CMC